An Auspicious Birthday

Today is my 40th birthday, and today I had three beautiful 5 day old embryos transferred at my new IVF clinic.

I suppose I should back up a bit.

Over the summer, I had an initial consult with a new fertility clinic in Houston. I really liked the doctor & the clinic, and they seemed to be so much more detail oriented than my previous clinic in Austin. I decided then and there that if I were ever to do another IVF round, this is where I'd feel most comfortable cycling, despite having to commute 2+ hours for appointments.

Fast forward to September, when I had saved up enough money (this was all to be out of pocket) to come for my initial consultation toward starting a cycle.

Upon examination of my antral follicle count (a fancy term for how many resting ovarian follicles can be seen, thus predicting how many total eggs one might produce that cycle)- 8 resting follicles were found. This was a surprise to me, given in my first IVF cycle we'd gotten 17 eggs!

My doctor ordered a blood test to measure my AMH, which is an indicator of ovarian reserve. Unfortunately between December 2014 when it was last taken and September 2015, it had dropped down from 2.88 to 1.49. That wasn't awesome news. My ovaries seemed to be onto the fact that I was nearing my 40th birthday.

So we all agreed to bench me for another month, hoping for a higher antral follicle count the next round.

When my cycle came again in October, I made the trip back to Houston and was happy to see that now there were 15 resting follicles to work with! That was enough to say we were a GO, and I officially began all prep toward IVF #2.

I was on a Lupron Micro-Flare protocol, which meant about 2 weeks worth of birth control pills to initially suppress my system, followed by 4 shots/day to rev it up: 225 Follistim, 225 Menopur, and 20ml Lupron morning and night. The shots themselves weren't so bad, but man did my stomach become one big hard bruise!

I stimmed for a total of 9 days, having to stay 3 nights in Houston toward the end for constant monitoring. This unfortunately meant I missed Halloween with my family, though I DID try to drive back for the night. I sadly had to turn around 20 miles from home due to completely flooded roadways. Austin was experiencing records rains and flooding at the time so back to Houston I drove (clocking in a total of 6 hours in the car!)

Iyla represented as "Batcat Lady," a name and costume she completely styled herself.

I triggered on Sunday November 1st, and BC and I drove up to Houston for my egg retrieval early that Tuesday morning. They were able to retrieve 14 eggs, 12 of which were mature, 7 of which fertilized normally. I was honestly a little disappointed that not more had fertilized, given in my first IVF round we had 9 fertilize and still only ended up with 2 not so great quality embryos (a Day 5 CC and a Day 7 BC).

My retrieval recovery was much more smooth this time around, and the really great news was that my progesterone levels behaved themselves and I got the green light to proceed toward a fresh transfer (if you recall on my first IVF round I had to do a "freeze all" due to high progesterone levels).

Then began the oh so exciting and equally terrifying wait for my embryo updates. I was to get my first update on Day 3- and knew there was a good chance I'd have to get in the car to Houston for a transfer that day if there weren't enough embryos progressing and looking strong.

When the call came, my nurse told me that 6 of the 7 embryos looked "fantastic," and 5 of those had the highest grade rating of "4," while the 6th was a "3+!" I'd officially be moving to a Day 5 transfer- which- incredibly enough- would occur ON my 40th birthday. That coincidence was amazing… as I hadn't had any control over the timing of anything in the cycle, and here it was- all about to go down on a very special day.

BC and I drove up to Houston yesterday (our sweet nanny stayed the night with Iyla) so we could have an early birthday dinner and be nearby for our bright and early transfer. I was again so nervous and excited to hear what our Day 5 updates would bring!

The clinic here has an on site acupuncturist who was able to give me a pre and post transfer session right in the IVF lab. When we got into the transfer room, the doctor said that we had 2 embryos looking very, very good. One was rated a 4BA blastocyst, which is almost the highest grade it can get (4AA is the very highest). The other hadn't progressed quite far enough to be graded but looked very good as well. Because of my age I fell in the category of transferring 2-3 embryos, and BC and I talked at length about this decision. The 3rd embryo in consideration wasn't as high of quality as the first two, so we ultimately decided to transfer all 3, as I didn't want to have ANY regrets if for some reason this didn't yield a pregnancy.

There are also 4 other embryos still in culture they are watching toward possible freezing (!)

This is truly such an all around better cycle than my first time. My body has felt good throughout, and the quality of the embryos is so much better as well! I completely contribute that to two things: the protocol I was on, and all the daily supplements I've been taking for the past 4 months (to include Florarix which is an iron + Vitamin B complex, Vitamins C, D, & E, Ubiquinol, fish oil, and while stimming I added in nightly Melatonin which is supposed to be a powerful antioxidant).

And now we wait….. I am SO hopeful that this round will bring us the next Little Lambie we have so been hoping for.

All in all, one of the most exciting birthdays I've had in a long time!

Nap Time Shenanigans

Lately Iyla has really been shaking things up in the nap department. In the past week alone there have been THREE days where she just sat and played up in her room in lieu of sleeping, and on each of those days I've gone in after an hour to fetch her. Miraculously she does relatively well until bedtime, though she definitely has a shorter fuse. Dare I say the end of naps may be on the horizon?

She's also been pushing her naps out later and later, and on the days she does fall asleep after her hour long party quiet time it's usually 3pm or later. This makes afternoon activities near impossible, as sometimes she will sleep until 4:30 or 5! I am hopeful this will all shake itself out once daylight savings begins- otherwise I'll be re-scheduling a lot of our spring activities.

She's also been experimenting with new spots to nap

The most hilarious nap time shenanigan, however, occurred Sunday afternoon post pumpkin patch.

I had left Iyla's room and as usual, she was up and wandering about her room for "quiet time." She disappeared off of the video monitor into a corner of the room where I couldn't see her. I heard her chatting to herself for awhile before she began to call out "Mama, carry me! Mama, carry!" which admittedly was an odd thing for her to be saying. I spoke to her through the monitor that it was quiet time, and that she should get back into her bed to snuggle her teddy bear. She called back "I can't! Carry me." I then told her I'd be up in a little bit, hoping that would calm her enough toward her getting back into bed.

When the fussing persisted, I finally went up to soothe her and found that little lady stuck sitting inside her garbage can.

Her.garbage.can!

It was hilarious, even though she was obviously upset. She clearly hadn't known how to say "I'm stuck in my garbage can," hence the "Mama, carry me!" That poor buddy was probably thinking she'd have to spend her entire nap stuck like that.

Of course I had to take a photo before rescuing her…. so here it is, Iyla Grace stuck in her garbage can at almost 3 years old:

This weekend we will be securing all furniture to the walls, lest she come up with any further shenanigans!

Pumpkin Patch 2015

Today Iyla and I headed out to Barton Hills Farm to meet our friends for a day at the Pumpkin Patch. It was a blast- complete with farm animals, a train ride, a huge jumping pillow, treats, and of course- pumpkins.

Here's a summary of our day in photos:

And just for fun, here's one of Iyla from her very first trip to a pumpkin patch in 2013. So cute! I love this tradition.

The Paci Fairy

On Friday, the "Paci Fairy" paid a visit to Iyla Grace. 

For awhile now we'd been talking about how the Paci Fairy would be coming to take the tops off of her pacifiers to give to new babies who needed them, in return bringing her a couple of new Big Girl lovie toys. I had decided to go the route of just cutting the nipples off her Wannanub pacis vs. taking the entire pacifier away, hoping that might make the whole event a little less traumatic.

The main reason I proactively chose to do this was because I could see Iyla's teeth starting to shift from pacifier use. She only used the pacifiers during nap, bed, & occasionally in the car, but despite this her teeth were starting to get the suspect curved "paci" look. We also are only one month away from Iyla turning 3 (!!!), so I figured it was time. 

Here's a shot of Iyla the morning she was to become an official BIG GIRL:

Out to breakfast with my buddy

When we returned home from our morning outings, I let her watch a short video while the Paci Fairy went to work upstairs:

After the video ended I let her know that the Paci Fairy had arrived and it was time to go upstairs. I was SO nervous about how it would all go down, as this is a kid who loves her pacis- habitually soothing herself by sucking on one while rubbing her nose with the other. 

When we got upstairs her initial reaction was one of excitement and wonder at the seemingly magical event that had just occurred. Was this going to be easier than I had anticipated? Had I just dodged a bullet?

Not so fast, Mama.

After settling down from the initial excitement Iyla climbed into bed with her new gifts and maimed pacis. She played and chatted with her new bunny (the horse got kicked to the side) before fatigue got the best of her and the hard part began. 

There was grief. Genuine, heart-wrenching grief. She kept crying that she wanted her paci tops back and asking that I come snuggle her (which I absolutely did). There were big tears interspersed with exasperated sighs & yawns. She eventually found comfort by pulling a little pillow over her face and finally (oh so thankfully) fell asleep. About 30 minutes later there was another tearful wake up before she passed out again.

Sweet girl finally asleep, clutching both pacis

When she awoke the 2nd time I was SO grateful to find her in good spirits. 

BC and I decided to treat our Big Girl to a night out on the town at her (and our!) favorite local happy hour spot: The Driskill Hotel. 

Here's proof of this kid's resiliency:

The official BIG GIRL!

At bedtime she again wanted me to stay in her room and comfort her. It was sweet watching her "nest" in her bed and fall asleep clutching her big stuffed bear with her new bunny lovie close by. 

BC had night duty and reported that he went in 2 times throughout the night to soothe her, eventually taking her into our guest room to snuggle when she couldn't get back to sleep.

Yesterday was day #2 without her pacis, and I am happy to report that this little lady didn't cry ONCE at nap or bed time! In fact, at bed time- when she usually runs into her room to grab both pacis- she made a start toward her bed, stopped (very evidently thinking through the fact that those pacis weren't quite the same) and happily sat in my lap to read books without them.

I am so proud of Iyla Gracie- as this was definitely one of the HARDEST transitions we've had to do. There is a part of me that wants to keep her a baby forever- and giving up this last link to her babyhood proved to be hard on both of us.

That being said, no matter what, she WILL always be my baby girl… just now without her paci teeth. ; )

1st Day of School!

Today was a big day… my sweet little Iyla Grace had her first official day of school!

She is attending a small Monday/Wednesday morning program (she is one of only 8 kids!) at a darling Montessori based school, run by a husband/wife team and assistant teacher. The school house and gardens are absolutely beautiful and magical, and I knew within seconds of my first visit that this would be a place Iyla would adore.

Last Friday they had an open house for the new students & parents, and Iyla had so much fun playing! I mean, this place has a mini fairy house in it. If that isn't perfect for Iyla, I don't know what is. There was also a tent filled with stuffed animals, including the entire Winnie the Pooh gang and Curious George- some of Iyla's favorites!

A peek into the magical school house

Discovering new stuffed animals at the open house

A water table for my water baby!

Curious George

A couple of Iyla's teachers in the background- Ms Morgan in the center and Ms Morna on the right (not pictured: Mr. Ben)

A friend of mine posted about how she'd created a personalized book for her daughter's upcoming first day of school.  I thought that was an excellent idea and hustled to write a little story for Iyla over the weekend (thanks for the idea Cheasty!). It was a big hit! She was quite enamored with this new book based on her life, requesting that I read it over and over and over again:

Come this morning, Iyla was totally ready to go! I told her we'd be putting on her backpack and taking photos, which was a sneaky Mama trick… I made it sound like photos were a first day of school rule/routine (which they WILL be!) and my sweet girl- who typically fusses when I pull out the camera- happily posed for me! Success.

This was the first face I got when I asked her to smile. A work in progress.

Then I told her to say "poop," which always brings the smiles

A little first day of school jig

Modeling her new backpack

We arrived early (traffic was surprisingly sparse!) so i took the opportunity to embarrass her further with more photos outside the school

"Geez Mama."

When we arrived, Iyla marched confidently in and promptly found the fairy dollies. She did have one moment of pause when Mr. Ben approached to welcome her and asked if she wanted a hug (this is NOT a kid to dole out affection to someone she doesn't know well!) but recovered quickly. I kept the good-byes brief and let her know I'd be back soon to pick her up- to which she replied: "you go now." ; )

The teachers had set the expectation that often on the 1st day it's good for new kids to be picked up after an hour, depending on how they are doing. I made sure to have several errands to run within 15 minutes of her school, but was happy to receive two text updates both saying that she was doing great and should be able to stay the full morning.

When I went to pick her up, Iyla was beaming, shouting "Mama! Mama! You're here!" Her teachers reported that she was the only new kid to last the entire morning. They also said that she had eaten a great lunch and led all the other kids in a new way to eat it. They had been served pesto pasta and soup (fresh from the gardens there!) and Iyla had started dipping her pasta in the soup and drinking it that way- to which all the others kids apparently followed suit. That's my girl! 

Other updates included Iyla having made up some new moves during yoga time, and sweetly asking permission to play with the water table (she told me that was one of her favorite things!) The teachers said she did a great job participating all morning long. 

I am so proud of my BIG GIRL! And excited for her to have this new found independence and opportunity to make a community of friends. : )

"Happy Rainbow Day" and This Week's Updates

What a week it's been!

Here's a recap in photos.

BC returned from a week long trip abroad and was greeted by two over-the-moon girls (the little one pictured below):

We celebrated Father's Day with dinner out downtown:

Iyla and BC got back to their Papa/daughter morning routine of bike rides & breakfast:

We played a LOT with our Tinkerbell fairies:

Had swim lessons:

Got a new backpack for dance class:

Demanded that hair be put in "buns!" for dance class (a true diva ballerina!):

Continued to be the one kiddo in class marching to her own tune:

I WILL do what I want! BUNS!

Had a lovely date night with BC at the delicious LaV:

Took this kid out to breakfast at Sawyer & Co:

Ha- can't get close enough to the old time TV

Practiced our fish faces in anticipation of visiting the Austin Aquarium:

Saw many, many fish and birds and reptiles at the Aquarium:

And celebrated an amazingly monumental day yesterday with the announcement that same-sex marriage is now legal nationwide! Iyla declared it "Rainbow Day" and was calling out "Happy Rainbow Day!" to all who would listen. : )

I wish I could finish this week recap with good news about our FET, but alas, I cannot. I took my first home test on Father's Day, thinking it would be a fantastic surprise for BC… and got negative tests all the way until my blood test confirmed what I already knew: this cycle was a complete bust. 

I was pretty wrecked about it, and the whole experience has made me want to retreat into an even more private place regarding our quest for another child. I know friends and family mean well when they tell me things like "it will happen when you relax! When you stop trying to control things and just trust!" but damn if that doesn't just make me feel ANGRY and isolated. Can I just tell you how many months I HAVE relaxed, gone on vacation, let things 'just be' and NOT gotten pregnant? It's really hard for anyone to understand what this quest feels like, save other women who are also in the infertility trenches. Those are the women I've been leaning on heavily throughout this process, feeling much gratitude to have such an awesome support group.

I hit rock bottom Thursday during a consult with my Austin fertility doc, where 'donor egg IVF' was mentioned to me no less than 4 times, and with each mention the tears would come fresh again. NOT very comforting. So not going there.

Next week I have an appointment for a 2nd opinion at the highly esteemed Houston IVF, where my dear friend had her most recent successful IVF cycle (pregnant with twins & has an additional 3 frozen embryos! This from a lady in her early 40's who had 2 unsuccessful cycles at other clinics prior to this one).

I don't know that I can afford another IVF cycle. I am going to take the next couple of months to regroup, take lots of vitamins, get as healthy as possible, and from there look again at finances & calendars toward a possible "go" date in the early fall for a 2nd round. I am not ready to throw in the towel and accept having an only child yet. I know I may have to get there at some point, but right now, my heart still wants and needs to fight for another baby.

How can I look at this face and NOT want another?

In the meanwhile, I've distracted myself with a new car purchase. My electronic baby is due in about a week, and I am SO excited! I've been driving my 2005 Toyota Highlander for 10 years now and been super happy with it, but it was well time for an upgrade. This new baby (a 2015 Toyota Highlander Limited) has 2nd row captains chairs, 3rd row pop up seats, and a sunroof. A SUNROOF! It's like Christmas times a billion. And a much needed 'something special' to look forward to.

Behold my new baby:

And the quest continues…..