39 Week Updates: Baby 2.0

How far along? 39 weeks today! And genuinely shocked that baby is still cooking. That whole "women tend to gestate similarly pregnancy to pregnancy" thing definitely is not holding true here. Baby #2 is already proving to be an entirely different creature than her big sister!

How big is baby? She is officially considered full term and ready to greet the world. The apps say she is the size of a small watermelon, estimated at around 20 inches & 7 pounds. She still moves around pretty constantly- with her most active predictable periods happening around 10:30 am & 3:30pm. She rests primarily on my right side- that's where I always feel the biggest kicks and where I see my belly contorting as she stretches out her legs.

How big is Mama? Mama is feeling HUGE. I'm up just a smidge over a pound from last week, for a total weigh-in of 147.8 this morning (so a 37.8 pound gain in pregnancy so far.... just about 10 pounds MORE than I gained total with Iyla! No wonder I am hurting).

And for comparison's sake, here's the last belly shot I took with Iyla (and ah- being 9 months pregnant during the fall was SO much better than this 100+ degree summer insanity):

Oh how I also miss that thick hair... my hair has definitely changed and thinned out since pregnancy/birth/pregnancy

Labor Signs? I had a rough Sunday with many contractions that continued into the night. They were 10-12 minutes apart and some were pretty intense. I slept terribly, and come morning.... no more contractions.

This little one is definitely playing with me!

I did head to my doctor to re-check me, and found that I am now 4cm dilated, still 50% effaced, and baby hasn't engaged yet. Apparently women can stay at this dilation for weeks, so it really isn't indicative of any impending labor. What it DOES mean is that when baby decides to finally come things will likely move quickly. My doc said that it is pretty common with 2nd pregnancies to have night contractions (when oxytocin peaks) and then have the contractions subside by day. She encouraged me to SLEEP as much as I could with these (vs. trying to time them) and assured me I would know when it was the real deal, in that every.single.contraction would be intense on a different level than what I've felt thus far.

I had been planning to do what's known as a "membrane sweep" this week to see if that might kick start labor naturally. However, I found out that I tested positive for Group B Strep - which means my clinic isn't comfortable doing the sweep due to an increased chance of infection.

So.... we now have an eviction plan in place for baby- an "on or before date" that has been set for a myriad of medical and personal reasons. To include:

*My fibroid (remember Franny?), which has gotten considerably bigger since Iyla's birth. This baby also appears considerably larger than my little 5#14oz firstborn peanut was, so.... that combo already makes Baby #2's ability to push past Franny for a vaginal birth trickier, and the bigger she gets, the harder that journey becomes.

*The whole Strep B Positive fun. This diagnosis is generally considered to be 'no big deal' if treated correctly. What it means logistically is that when I get admitted to the hospital I'll need to receive intravenous antibiotics for as long as possible before giving birth. The RISK comes if you do not receive these antibiotics and the Strep B passes on to baby through a vaginal birth- this can be very dangerous for baby. So: if my water broke on its own I would have to HIGHTAIL it to the hospital to get the antibiotics, hoping baby didn't come TOO fast (hello 4cm dilation!) and that we had enough time to get those into my system. Scheduling an eviction gives us more control over this process to allot the time needed to be super safe.

*My doctor doesn't prefer women over 40 to go past 40 weeks gestation. Now this is NOT something they force or demand of their patients whatsoever, but hell- I'm totally on board with that.

*I'm 39 weeks and full term. AND I AM SO READY. My body is at full capacity right now, and it is oh so hard to get up and down, turn over in bed, walk, sleep, you name it.

Sleep? I had that really crappy night's sleep Sunday with many, many contractions.... then last night got in bed at 8:30pm and slept like a rock. My fingers & hands are still getting numb and achy during the night, shifting positions is horrendous and laborious, and I'm up to use the restroom multiple times....but I always appreciate any sound sleep I can get in between those episodes!

Food cravings/aversions? Here is what's been on the menu this week: Oh's Cereal (I have NO idea where that one came from but it is like heavenly crack to me), watermelon, peaches, apples, eggs, bread, tomatoes. No real aversions, though heavier meals are definitely not something I am craving.

Symptoms?

*Constipation is back this week. I'd been doing pretty well managing this with one magnesium supplement at night, but this week it's taking TWO magnesium tabs PLUS a stool softening Colace to get things moving.

*Braxton Hicks on steroids. These have been much more frequent and often painful. I've also noticed the last couple of days that instead of only ONE side of my belly growing into a large hard lump, both sides are starting to harden.

*Actual contractions. I've had a few doozies where the Braxton Hicks are coupled with pretty intense and painful cramping.

*Fingers/hands falling asleep at night and feeling achy by day (still).

*I had one weird night Saturday where I got a really bad headache and also had a lot of nausea & indigestion. Another example of baby teasing me with potential labor... I thought for sure those must be signs that the real deal was near!

Big sister?

Iyla threw out a couple new to her (and me!) Big Girl expressions this morning, to include:

"Don't do anything to embarrass me." Said when I asked about fixing her hair (!).

This was followed by: "I can handle this!" while going down our stairs with 3 stuffed dogs in her arms (cue me teetering VERY close to her, lest she miss a step and topple down).

She also- for the first time in maybe 5 months- wanted to wear her hair down all weekend long, officially breaking up our bun streak. However, it was a short lived phase, as come Monday morning it was back to the buns!

Shocking!

Iyla has been showing us a really amazing ability to psycho-analyze and reflect on scary or sad events that happen to her. A couple examples from the past week:

*We were all out to dinner and the restaurant had one of those toy machines where you direct a crane to try to grab the stuffed animal you want. This proved to be a VERY painful process for Iyla, who adamantly wanted the PINK ELEPHANT- and sadly, that damn crane couldn't for the life of BC or I get it. There were many, many tears as we explained as best we could the nature of the game and acknowledged that YES- it was incredibly frustrating! Cue Iyla 15 minutes later in the car working things out in the way she now does- which involves either BC or I pretending to be HER and play acting how sad she was. Then she play-acts being Mama & Papa, saying soothing things to "Iyla" and talking through the entire event toward a peaceful resolution. It's pretty amazing.

*Another event that happened this week was Iyla accidentally flipping over the back of our couch. She was playing on the couch next to me (as we often do now that I am OH SO PREGNANT) jumping up and down, and the next thing I knew she went flying over the back and landed with a huge THUD.

Ugh.

Mama's WORST nightmare! Luckily she was mostly unscathed- no broken limbs, but there were a LOT of tears and talks about how she had hit her head. Ever since this event we play-act this out several times a day where she'll direct: "Ok, you be Iyla flipping over the couch and hitting your head- and you be SO SAD. I'll be Mama." And we run through the entire event from start to finish with our reversed roles, where she holds me and comforts me and whispers "it's OK Honey" while stroking my hair. Again: amazing!

Here are a few more shots from Iyla's past week:

Baby Prep? Uh, been done there for what feels like weeks now!

Today I am actually re-washing all of the clothes I've had packed in our hospital bag for the past 5 weeks (!)- which are needing a good freshening/de-wrinkling. I'm also washing Iyla's and our bedding, our towels, getting groceries delivered (Instacart is a 9 month pregnant woman's DREAM), and overall just trying to get things cleaned and organized toward baby time.

And baby time is SOON! There won't be another weekly update- hopefully the next post will be announcing the safe arrival of a healthy baby girl. Stay tuned!

Femara & IUIs & Mommy Thumb, Oh My!

A few updates from the past week...

We re-discovered sweet Iyla G has an intolerance for tomatoes. She had a handful of bites at dinner (and loved them!) and within 30 minutes was screaming in abdominal pain, which resulted in diarrhea. I couldn't stomach tomatoes when pregnant, and highly suspected sensitivities with her when I ate them while breastfeeding. Poor buddy! This on top of a nasty cold I gave to both BC and Iyla.

BC comforting our sad baby girl post tomatoes

I finally had surgery on my Mommy Thumb Friday! I had to be put completely under and wear a huge bandage for 3 days with very limited use of my right hand. Slowly but surely I am getting more and more movement and use of my hand, and am optimistic that this will solve the problem once and for all.

Iyla saying "kiss boo-boo!" She has been so sweet.

I visited good 'ole Dr. Vaughn for the first time in over 2 years! He was as sweet & feisty as ever. Took a look at Franny- who has definitely grown a bit- but who Dr. Vaughn still feels is better left alone than dealing with surgery to remove (yay!). We are going full steam ahead, and the day of my appointment I began taking Femara and we will do a Femara/IUI cycle this month. The current plan is June Femara/IUI, July Femara/intercourse (given our trip to NYC), and if nothing has taken at that point, possibly moving to a Gonal-F injectables cycle/IUI in August. 

BC asked if I thought all of this was needed to get pregnant, given our history (3 years of SO many medicated/IUI cycles, then ultimately conceiving naturally on our own). My response and overall attitude? Who knows, but why not? I am ready to be proactive. I feel much less desperation this time around than I did before we had Iyla, and am hopeful I can keep this relaxed, low stress attitude as we move forward. I feel excited and ready to rock n roll toward baby #2! We've been actively trying for a year since my cycle returned, and for almost 6 months since I stopped breastfeeding. Giving a little extra UMPH to the process definitely can't hurt.

Iyla has been growing up daily, and it constantly amazes me! This morning while having her milk, she opened up her hand and I said to her (as I always do)- "those are your fingers!" To which she replied "need cut nails." Ha! Yesterday I had told her we needed to cut her nails (and we did), and that little bugger remembered and thought she'd ask about it again today.

She also showed me that she can now climb up on park benches all.by.herself, thank you very much! Big girl.

So proud

Feeling so much gratitude and appreciation daily for all things in my life- the sweet sense of balance between work, family, and "me" time… and of course, for this darling little girl. We are blessed!

The Story of Iyla Grace

First, a little background- basically a summary of everything this blog has come to represent. Our fertility journey. My pregnancy. And now a record of our little girl's arrival in our lives.

We tried for almost 3 years to get pregnant. It was a very challenging, emotional time where it felt like I was constantly walking a tightrope between total despair vs. continued hope. With each new intervention (countless rounds of Clomid, Femara, IUI's, laparoscopic surgery, 2 Gonal F injectable cycles) the hope would rise again: maybe THIS would be the time it finally happened! Even off cycles on vacation revved up the renewed hope- because wasn't it always said that once you stopped "trying" and went on vacation it would happen?

Then, with each negative pregnancy test & failed cycle the despair would set in like a dense fog. Should I just go ahead and accept that this might not ever happen for us? It sure looked like having children wasn't in our cards. When do you say "when" and just accept this fact?

This post from August of 2011 perhaps describes those feelings best:

http://thequestforlittlelambies.blogspot.com/2011/08/rope-burn.html

After our 2nd Gonal F cycle failed last February, a fog thicker than I'd ever felt descended upon me. Even through this I tried so hard to remain hopeful, deciding we should immediately try another injectables cycle. I was then told by our fertility specialist that no, I had cysts on both ovaries that month- which drastically reduces the chances of pregnancy- and we needed to wait at least one more cycle before trying again. In the meanwhile I seriously considered another laparoscopic surgery to remove my fibroid- "Franny"- once and for all.

After that extremely disappointing news I started to have a change in perspective, operating as a sort of survival instinct. I decided to reconnect with yoga, with BC, and with my body, and I started to hear my own intuition more and more clearly as the fog slowly dissipated.

This blog entry- written the day BC and I were together on the eve of Iyla's conception, speaks to the great shift that occurred in my spirit:

http://thequestforlittlelambies.blogspot.com/2012/03/great-healing-march-photos-days-6-9.html

And thus our miracle baby was conceived on the March 8th full moon, with nothing more than the love & connection between BC and I. When we returned from a 9 day trip I took a pregnancy test truly on a whim, and when I saw the STRONG positive I just crumpled to the ground in awe. And felt with everything in my being that this.was.it.

From the beginning of the pregnancy I was aware that Franny was hanging out very close to the birth canal. Because of this I had a lot of extra ultrasounds & monitoring to see if Franny might be able to be pushed out of the way to allow for a vaginal birth. Each ultrasound reconfirmed that she hadn't moved, and at our last appointment on Halloween the ultrasound doctor literally said: "I've seen miracles happen, but I'd give this baby a less than 1% chance of pushing past that fibroid to come vaginally."

And so I had to grapple with the reality of a planned c-section, something I had very much hoped to avoid. I worked with my psychic astrologer friend to come up with a day/time that seemed most harmonious for the little spirit growing inside me. And so it was that November 20th, 2012 was set for my c-section to occur. This post speaks to the emotions that went with the c-section and having to plan our daughter's birthday:

http://thequestforlittlelambies.blogspot.com/2012/10/in-which-we-choose-our-babys-birthday.html

On Sunday November 11th I was having a really hard time getting around and walking. For about a week I had been feeling like both my inner thigh muscles were pulled, and on this day they seemed extra tugged. I had to cut my morning errands short & just rest the remainder of the day. My body felt heavy, tired, & sore.

2:45am, Monday November 12th: I woke with cramping that made me feel like I needed to have a BM. Went to the bathroom, no BM- so got back into bed. The cramping returned several minutes later along with the tightening of my belly, Braxton Hicks' style. I laid there alert, paying attention to what was happening. Several minutes later another round of cramping. I grabbed my phone & turned on an app I had to time contractions. Sure enough, they were coming like clockwork in the 4-6 minute apart range.

I got up and immediately went downstairs to update my business emails. I had 3 really tough negotiation periods with real estate contracts that were to happen later on that day- so had a lot of prep to do toward my colleagues potentially needing to take things over.

I readied the downstairs of our home- put a lockbox with a house key copy on the front door, packed some snacks, made sure our kitty Sam had food and water, all the while still timing contractions. I called my doctor (felt awful waking her!) and she said we should probably make our way to the hospital to be monitored to see if this was truly active labor. She would call ahead and tell them to expect us.

4am: I woke BC saying I'd been contracting regularly for about an hour- didn't know if this was "it" but thought he should prep his own business for the day, and that my doc felt we should go to the hospital. He shot up and started packing. I showered, finished putting together my hospital bag & the baby bag, and around 4:30 we left for the hospital. On the way there I got wicked nauseous & we had to pull over. Thankfully I had a Zofran tab with me for nausea and that settled things down quickly.

6:30am: initial monitoring at the hospital showed strong contractions 2-3 minutes apart. The on call doc checked me and I was 3cm dilated, 90% effaced, and the baby's head was WAY low where he could feel it easily (probably why I had trouble walking the day before!). After 3 awful tries to insert an IV, we were officially admitted and told we'd be having a baby today! Business emails were sent off, calls to family made, and BC and I looked at each other in excited disbelief. We would be meeting our daughter soon!

When my own doc arrived around 8am to check me, she confirmed the measurements and said that b/c she could fully feel the baby's head, her instinct was to let me labor on my own and see how my body opened & progressed. If, after we tried several 'tricks' throughout the day there was no further progression, we'd know Franny had won and would follow through with a a c-section. I am so grateful to Dr. Campaigne for allowing the possibility of going a different direction; I believe many OB's would have just moved forward with a c-section at that time, given the history of my ultrasounds.

Throughout the morning I was breathing through each contraction pretty well- they didn't feel great, but were totally manageable. I felt most comfortable contracting while standing or sitting, swaying my hips while BC rubbed my back. I thought: "I got this! Maybe my pain tolerance is better than I thought!" BC and I joked that he was now the doula- God help us- and I started requesting things like "Doula! Can you rub my shoulders? Doula! Your turn in Words with Friends."

12:30pm- my doc returned to check me as I was giggling at BC for having broken the hospital curtains. She said she didn't like that I was giggling, as that likely meant the contractions were not at a level to get things moving and that once things were really progressing along I would be finding it hard to talk & be silly between & during them. Upon checking me there hadn't been any further progress, so she recommended we start a very low dose of Pitocin. She felt my body would respond well from just a little jump start. We started at a '3' dose, upping this to a '5' later in the day.

An hour later she returned to break my waters. OUCH!!! That internal exam hurt! Then literally within minutes of her doing this I felt what real contractions were. And there was no more laughing. Those suckers caused my entire body to contract & tense & saw me buckling into a ball in pain, not knowing how to ease them. I immediately said to please order the epidural ASAP! My instinct was that my body would not be opening "like a flower' as I tensed & crippled to the ground.

Forty-five hellish minutes later the anesthesiologist arrived. It was really hard to sit still through those contractions for him to get everything in place, but the pain of the epidural needle was NOTHING compared to the pain of the contractions. Within about 5 minutes the contractions' sharp edges disappeared, and they had me lay down & prop up on one side (they would shift me from side to side for the remainder of the day).

I had been expecting to be numb from the waist down- but this was, in my opinion, the epitome of the perfect epidural: I could feel AND move both my legs and feet (they felt hot & tingly) and I could also feel the pressure of every contraction, but no pain. I knew when the contraction was strong and still had to breathe through those- but again, no pain. It was fascinating to watch the contractions rise & fall on the screen as I was able to hang out relaxed on the bed.

BC and I joked that I was 'The Matrix' (a movie we'd just watched the night before), in that there were SO many wires attached to my body. The pitocin IV, the epidural drip, a bladder catheter, an internal contraction monitor, a heart monitor for baby, AND a blood pressure cuff on my arm.

5:30pm: I was checked by the attending nurse and had progressed to 5cm! Almost immediately after that check I had several STRONG back to back contractions that stirred the baby, causing them to have me shift to one side to re-regulate her heartbeat. My doctor arrived 20 minutes later and rechecked me- I was already 6-7cm! She said she was going to hang tight downstairs at the hospital and come back in about an hour to check me again.

7:45pm: My doctor returned, checked me, and announced I was fully dilated and it was time to push! They prepped the delivery station & she gave me a tutorial on effective pushing techniques.

8pm: I started pushing with my next contraction. It was odd in that I wasn't sure I was going it correctly, but apparently I was and they were very effective, b/c immediately that little baby head moved further and further down. A couple pushes later and the head was visibly coming out, then going back in as I relaxed and waited for the next round of contractions. I could feel when the contraction would start- and would gather in a huge deep breath and push again. After about 5-6 rounds of pushes I felt a LOT of pressure as the head crowned & remained there. My doc said that any push now could fully birth her. BC was calling out to the baby "come on, darlin!" and exclaiming how amazing this all was!

About 2 pushes later she was out! The doctor laid her directly on my chest. She didn't cry right away- she sneezed, then whimpered, and the nurses rubbed her vigorously to get those little lungs to call out, which they finally did. BC was staring directly at her face and I asked: "does she look like our favorite name?" (we had a very favorite but also back-ups in case she didn't fit the favorite). He replied immediately "YES" and it was official- sweet Iyla Grace Lambert had arrived at 8:44pm on 11-12-12 after 18 hours of labor (a very cool birthday, if I do say so myself!)

The doctor allowed the cord to stay connected between us a good 15 minutes before cutting it, and Iyla was taken to be weighed & measured. She got an 8/9 on her Apgar, and was 5 pounds, 14 ounces & 19 inches long. She came back to me for her initial breastfeeding (which was weird and wonderful!), and then was taken to the nursery with BC for a first bath & full check up.

I had one small tear that required a single stitch, and developed two 'awesome' hemorrhoids, which are apparently very common with vaginal births. Those hurt much worse than the stitch! I was also thrilled to be able to eat & drink again- I'd had nothing in my stomach for 24 hours and was famished.

Iyla's name is Sanskrit for "Moonlight." She was conceived on a full moon and born on the cusp of the November 13th new moon. She is nothing short of a miracle in every possible way. We are still in total blissful disbelief that this beautiful little creature is OURS.

Sweet Iyla Grace Lambert, welcome to the world!
You are loved more than you will ever know.

Another Birthday

We got to celebrate another amazing birthday Monday night. Our sweet Iyla (pronounced Eye-La) Grace made her arrival into this world!

And she completely did things her way.

Chose her birthday (11-12-12, 8:44pm).

Miraculously moved Franny out of the way to allow for a vaginal birth, against all odds (I believe the ultrasound tech said there was less than a 1% chance she'd have room to push past that fibroid?)

She is a healthy, feisty little bean (5 lbs, 14 ounces, 19 inches) and we are quite smitten with her.

More to come with her official birth story, but for now- a few precious pictures. We are truly blessed!

November!

Our birth month has finally arrived! And arrive it did with a bang. I awoke this morning with unusual-to-me diarrhea and pretty extreme nausea. I am feeling better now post-breakfast, and thinking the colace stool softener I've started taking nightly might be doing its job a little too well.

BC and I originally hadn't planned to dress up or do much for Halloween this year. However, when we got a last minute invite to our good friends' home to have dinner & help hand out candy, it was game on! Someone on my November Mamas Facebook page had posted a picture of a pregnant Halloween costume where there were baby arms breaking out of the belly to trick or treat, and I was immediately inspired. After hitting up about 4 stores yesterday in a quest for costume supplies, the vision slowly came together. Behold, Baby Lambert's first Halloween:

The best was when the baby would actually move or get the hiccups- the doll arms would start to bounce and move on their own. Super creepy!

We also had our last ultrasound yesterday to take a peek at the babe and see what was going on with Franny. Baby Lambert was moving as much as ever (I read somewhere that at this point in gestation most babies sleep 90% of the time... HA! Totally not true of this little one. We are going to get a run for our money when she joins us!) Everything looked great. She is still measuring in the 20th percentile, estimated weight at 5 pounds, 6 ounces- which is perfect textbook growth. Four weeks ago they estimated 3'6, and babies typically gain at a rate of 1/2 pound/week. Given this, she should be around 6'5- 7 pounds when she makes her grand debut.

The baby has gotten big enough that her head was obscuring any view of Franny. So I got the fabulous bonus of getting an unexpected vaginal ultrasound in addition to the regular belly one. And once the doc went in that way there was Franny, hanging out in all her glory, still blocking the birth canal. At least there is NO shadow of a doubt now what the plan is... onward we go to our scheduled c-section. Less than 3 weeks now until we meet our little girl!

Nursery Progress and 36 Week Updates

I dare say our nursery is just about finished! The bedding is washed, drawers are organized, closet stocked with newborn and 0-3 clothes.... we are definitely getting there and making some good progress. The items remaining to do in baby prep land:

*Create a diaper station & stock it (possibly 3 stations- one in the nursery, one in our bedroom, and one on the 1st floor). This will include organizing the cloth diaper stash & familiarizing ourselves with how to use them.

*Figure out what the little one will be sleeping on in our bedroom (Pack n Play? Rock n Play? A yet to be purchased co-sleeper?)

*Assemble the Pack n Play and Bob Stroller/car seat adapter

  TO BE DONE THIS WEEKEND

*Install car seat bases, mirrors, & baby shades in both cars

   TO BE DONE THIS WEEKEND

*Get familiar with the breast pump- sterilize all the parts

*Set up the baby monitor

*Continue to cook & freeze meals & stock the fridge/pantry (in the freezer so far I have 5 single servings of Butternut Lentil Soup, 5 servings of veggie chili, pork chops, salmon, tilapia, & catfish).

*Stock up household necessities (toilet paper, kleenex, paper towels, toothpaste, lotion, hand soap, etc)

  CHECK! DONE YESTERDAY

Here are some recent shots of the nursery. I got the cute Etsy mobile! Currently working my bird branch in as a sort of decorative piece for now:

I bought two floating wood shelves I am hoping will work behind the glider- hopefully BC can hang those today

Here are my 36 week updates:

How far along? 36 weeks today- I am officially considered 9 months pregnant!

How big is baby? Looking forward to our growth scan next week to know for sure, but the apps say she should be in the 5.5- 6 pound range by now, about 18-19 inches long- the size of a large cantaloupe. Her main job continues to be packing on the baby rolls!

Weight gain? Not much this week, up another 1/2 pound for a total of 24 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight.

 36 week belly- cold front addition! Yesterday Austin had a lovely cold front blow through, dropping temps down from the 90's into the mid 50's. I was pleased to find ONE sweater that was long enough to cover my belly. When we headed out to meet friends for a birthday celebration last night, there was a lot of oo-ing and ah-ing about how my belly 'had popped' in the last week (I had just seen these friends at the wedding celebration last weekend). I think the horizontal stripes probably added to that effect, but there is definitely no denying the bump- this little baby is growing!

And a regular clothed 36 week belly shot for comparison. It does look smaller sans stripes

Sleep? Crappy again this week. Waking a lot in the night and unable to fall back asleep. Not much new there. I actually did get a good nights' sleep last night, which hopefully will allow me to be super productive today.

Cravings/Aversions? Last night after dinner I was again craving ice cream. When we got home I broke out a box of cereal, thinking that might curb my sweet tooth in a healthier way. I stared at the cereal box for a full minute before returning it to the pantry and breaking out the Ben and Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream. *Heaven*

Symptoms? Still struggling with constipation (worse this week likely due to the batch of cookies I made and largely consumed!) Also just feeling really slow & physically tired over all.

Most looking forward to? Hitting the official "full term" point at 37 weeks next week! We are also super excited for our growth ultrasound on Halloween, when we'll get our last official look at the baby (and Franny). 

In Which We Choose Our Baby's Birthday

Remember that growth ultrasound I had last week?

First of all- BC and I somehow 'misheard' the stats. We were sure the ultrasound doc had said our little lady was measuring in the 8th percentile.

On Monday my regular doc- Dr. Campaigne from Nurture OBGYN- called me to discuss the ultrasound. She told us that the overall measurements were in the 17th percentile! Still a little lady, but not quite AS small. Her head was actually in the 40th percentile (curse of the BC head!), and everything together came out at 17%. These measurements were all based on the November 24th due date- which is calculated by my LMP (last menstrual period- they 'assume' you ovulate 14 days after the LMP). However, based on our known conception date my due date would be November 29th (as I know exactly when I ovulated- it is usually cycle day 20 or 21), meaning her percents would be even higher for babies at her age.

All great news!

Then it was time to talk about Franny (my fibroid).

At the ultrasound, the u/s doc had indicated Franny had NOT moved out of the way of the birth canal at all, and that he thought it was highly likely we'd need a c-section. He did say he's seen "miracles happen,' but he wasn't very hopeful.

Which brings us back to my talk with Dr. Campaigne. A little background here about Nurture OBGYN: this is a small boutique practice with one holistic OB and one midwife who are VERY much into natural childbirth and seeing pregnancy as a normal healthy event. They boast & celebrate a low 10% c-section rate, and also have very low stats with other interventions like pitocin.

So when I spoke with Dr. Campaigne earlier this week and she told me that based on what the ultrasound doc's notes recommended and what she saw in the report that she thought a planned c-section was the path we needed to go, I didn't question it. Of any doctor who would come to this conclusion, I fully trusted her that this was the only option given our situation.

Was I disappointed? Of course. But I am also someone that doesn't look back- when a decision needs to be made and I commit to something it is full speed ahead. My questions to her went like this:

Knowing that our due date is November 24th, when would you schedule me for a c-section?
-We like to do them in the 39th week, so probably around November 19th or 20th

What are your thoughts on letting me go into labor naturally- THEN doing the c-section?
-Honestly, we feel like that puts a lot of undue stress on yours and the baby's body, so don't recommend it

I know you take pride in your surgery skills- what will the incision be like?
-I don't want to brag, but yes! Aesthetics are VERY important to me and I do take great pride in making sure it is as small of an incision as possible that heals well

So then I was left that afternoon ruminating on all of this and waiting to share the news with BC. When I told him, I could tell he was a bit disappointed, but mostly he had a few questions of his own. He had been under the impression from the ultrasound doc that they would continue to monitor my fibroid before making a final call, and wanted to know why the call was being made now? (Granted somehow we must have misheard a lot of things at that ultrasound appointment, including our little ones' measurements!). I promised BC I would ask that question of Dr. Campaigne when I met with her next week, but that I did trust her judgement very much- so felt like this was the way it was going to be.

Part of my 'coping' with this big news was to come up with a list of PROS for a planned c-section, to include:

1. My lady parts would be completely preserved- no tearing, no bladder problems, no healing needed.

2. We could better plan ahead with our work schedules & family visits (unless of course the little one throws everyone for a loop and comes early!)

3. We don't have to attend any more birth classes (I already cancelled our "Yoga for Birth" workshop and we likely won't attend any more hypno-birthing classes).

4. This child will definitely be a Scorpio now, just like me (God help BC!) Not sure if that is a definite "pro," but I like it. : )

5. I won't have to feel any pains of labor.

6. Our baby will have a 'gentler' entrance into the world- no squishing & squeezing through the birth canal, so no funny head shapes or bruising.

The CONS?

1. The magic of going into labor and wondering when our little one's birthday will be has been taken away. I have been wrestling with bouts of grief surrounding this, feeling like part of my womanhood has been somehow stripped away. I will not experience labor, I will not experience giving birth the way it was meant to be done... my body won't automatically be releasing the right laboring or birth hormones.

2. Having a major surgery and dealing with the recovery. I will now be much more compromised physically following her birth, and have to be on pain meds as the incisions heal.

3. My body may take longer to 'kick in' the right hormones to help out with breastfeeding, given the surgery & meds I will be on.

4. No birth classes. It was a 'pro' in lightening up our schedule, but I was really looking forward to sharing in those with BC.

5. As much as it is a 'pro' that the baby will have a gentler entrance into the world, it will be gentle and a bit shocking, in that we won't be able to have a dimly lit, quiet, tranquil space for her to enter. She will emerge into bright overhead lights and doctors with masks on.

6. No immediate skin to skin contact with our little one. I asked if there was ANY way this could still happen- and b/c the surgery room is kept freezing cold, it is most important to bundle baby right away to keep her warm. She will be given to me to see/hold for a short time before going to the nursery- and I will want BC to accompany her there so she has someone familiar with her while they put me back together. My doctor says we should all be reunited pretty quickly- within an hour- so hopefully that time will go by quickly.

7. Being responsible for choosing her birthday! This was one of the main sticking points I hoped I wouldn't have to face. And if you know anything about me by reading this blog, it will come as NO surprise that a couple of the first calls I made after getting the news of the c-section were to my psychic friend Cristy and to my friend Dianne who does astrological charts. I figured if the doctor was aiming for November 19th or 20th, then the 15th and 16th (of the week before) would probably be fair game too (weekend dates are unfortunately out- I like the look of November 18th, but given it is a Sunday it would be a no-go).

I have had the 15th in my head for awhile with this little one, as has my mom. BC said he liked the way the 20th looked. When Dianne ran the astrology around all those dates, she highly recommended focusing on the 18th-20th (morning of the 20th only). Cristy seems to think this little one will come sooner and choose for herself, possibly starting her journey with the November 13th new moon.

So basically we will be choosing an "on or before" date for our little one. One thing for sure? She'll definitely be here by Thanksgiving! Holy sheet. I meet again with the Nurture ladies on Monday, and hope to talk further about dates then.

I've also spoken a few times with our fabulous doula- wondering if we would still need her services. Ultimately we've decided to do a 'revised' doula package where she has one prenatal appointment with us to help prepare us on what to expect with a planned c-section, and then I will still have her there supporting me on the actual day with all the before, during, & after events of surgery. She can be there in the operating room with me when BC goes to the nursery with the baby, and can also help me get started with breastfeeding. And she writes a personal birth story, which I love! What ultimately convinced me was reading another 'planned c-section' birth story on her blog. I won't be passing up her offering me foot & head massages throughout our birth day!

There are still a lot of emotions to deal with surrounding this recent turn of events. This definitely isn't the way I'd hoped things would go down, but it is our new reality. I am feeling waves of sorrow every time my hips ache or the Braxton Hicks come on... my body is preparing to birth naturally, and I feel like in a way I am cheating it. Ultimately, I just have to trust in my caregivers and know that the end result will be a healthy baby girl.

In closing, I bring you an adorable photo of my niece Magnolia who came in from Seattle for our baby shower. She is 3.5 months old- and has a super unique and cute way of self soothing herself to sleep. Apparently there is even an ultrasound picture of her in utero doing this! Too cute.

Sweet Maggie, I just may have used this move when I got the c-section news.
We all need a little soothing sometimes.

32 Week Updates

How far along? 32 weeks yesterday

How big is baby? We actually had a growth ultrasound this past week- and she looks to be about 3.25-3.5 pounds, which is right on track. The ultrasound tech said she was "petite," with a smallish head and abdomen (so looks like she favors me there- which is JUST fine- BC has a huge head!) She was measuring in the 8th percentile, so definitely a little lady. It was confirmed she is head down- and is actually using Fibroid Franny like a pillow- ha.

And speaking of Franny- she hasn't grown much, but also hasn't moved one iota out of the way. The U/S tech still isn't optimistic that the baby will be able to squeeze past to come out the good 'ole fashioned way, and he put our odds of needing a c-section really high (but did say "miracles can happen!' Great.) We'll see what my regular doc has to say when we meet to go over these stats- but at the last appointment she was of the mindset that we would allow me to go into labor naturally and give this baby a shot at pushing past Franny. Obviously we'd be monitoring me closely- and if it became evident that indeed there was no way of coming out vaginally, then at that point we'd go ahead with a c-section.

Weight gain? Up 19.2- pounds total. That is a that is a 2.7 pound gain from last week! I feel like I am two stepping with my weekly weights- down a smidgeon, then up a bunch! Down a smidgeon, then up again!

32 week belly

Sleep? Schizophrenic brain is here again- when I wake to go the bathroom in the middle of the night my brain unfortunately wakes too, and I've been having about an hour nightly just trying to get back to sleep. I've also still been waking super early. In between those times I sleep really well and soundly- just wish my body & brain could connect the dots and STAY asleep.

Cravings/Aversions? Strawberries are a new one tasting amazing to me- not necessarily something that I need and crave, but pre pregnancy I didn't love them- and I'd have to say I am loving them lately.

Symptoms? Ack- constipation with a vengeance. I had ANOTHER episode of what happened in New Mexico! That marks two of those episodes within a week, which is ridiculous.

Other than that I am actually doing pretty. well. Still having Braxton Hicks on and off, had one migraine last week, and more tired than usual. But all things I can handle.

One weird thing that happened for about 30 minutes during my shower yesterday and then again today- my left ear was "popped" like when the air pressure changes on an airplane. My voice sounded like a loud echo in my head, and I could NOT make it stop for the life of me. Not with eating, drinking, yawning, chewing gum, etc. It was extremely distracting & strange.  I finally found that tipping my head backwards for awhile would help it temporarily clear. I have no idea if this is related to pregnancy or not, but I have NEVER had that happen to me for such a long period.

Most looking forward to? Going through my baby shower loot! My shower was yesterday and the generosity was off the charts. I will work on a separate post with pictures & updates from that- including the final dress selection. I appreciate all the votes & comments on my dress choices from the last post- and ended up going an entirely different direction! I have a lot of dresses to return tomorrow...

23 Week Updates

I was sent for my 3rd Anatomy Scan ultrasound this past Thursday.... and I have to say, I LOVED the clinic I was sent to. It is always a treat to see our little one, but this visit took the cake. The technician who performed most of the scan genuinely was loving what she did- giggling at our little lady's antics- and the doctor himself was a sweet, intelligent, wonderful guy. The most amazing surprises? They had 3D imaging AND gave me a live DVD of the session! The first time the tech switched to the 3D view I freaked out a bit (in a good way), not knowing they had that technology. I always thought those 3D pictures looked a little creepy, but I have to say when it is your own baby they are fascinating. And of course I am going to subject you- Dear Readers- to some of the pictures. What can I say, I'm a proud mama!

 The images come out a bit distorted, but are incredible nonetheless. She was moving and dancing around like CRAZY and really didn't want to cooperate with many face forward shots. Looks like she may have some full lips like BC!

 She also appears to have BC's adorable little ears. I sure hope so.

And in other resemblances to BC- who is all limbs- look at the length of those legs! She was stretching them out straight quite a bit.

This one is a little dark but if you look closely she is sucking her thumb

It again proved difficult to get the still shots needed with how much she was moving around- but happily we were finally able to see her heart, and everything looked perfect and healthy! The doc didn't mention anything about my amniotic fluid... I had asked the tech about it at the very beginning of the session and she said she absolutely wouldn't worry about it- that all women have different levels, etc. So I am going to take that advice!

One thing the doc did bring up was Franny. Good 'ole Franny (my fibroid) hasn't grown much, but she is oh so close to my cervix. The doctor traced on the screen how big the baby's head would eventually be and how much room she'd need to properly exit the birth canal, and said he'd put money on Franny making it very difficult to have a vaginal delivery. Boo! There is definitely still a chance that as my uterus grows Franny might be pushed further away from my cervix, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that is the case. I figure our little one will come exactly how she is meant to come- and if she is hell bent on coming in a natural vaginal delivery, then she can help push Franny out of her way! 

On to the 23 week updates:

How far along? 23 weeks today

How big is baby? She was measuring right around a pound on Thursday, which is exactly where she should be. The baby websites say she is the size of a grapefruit now, just shy of 12 inches long.

This week the baby is apparently starting to feel things like hunger, thirst, sadness, fear, and happiness- which is amazing, and makes me want to be even more conscious of my moods & attitude.

Weight gain? I am up about a half pound from last week- for a total of 8.4 lbs.

23 week belly: looks a bit pointy today

Sleep? Still good, though I freakishly woke up at 6:30 this morning and couldn't get back to sleep.

Symptoms? I have had a 1st trimester relapse in the past few days! I had 2 days of nausea, and have been really tired all day long. I've noticed my eyes are red in the morning, which in the first trimester was a signal of all the hormones going crazy. I've been quite constipated, despite my maximum doses of nightly magnesium. I've felt less patient and more grouchy than normal, and also got my first migraine in a LONG time 2 nights ago (interestingly enough I'd done acupuncture that day- so think maybe the session stirred up something). One of the pregnancy websites that sends me weekly updates says at 23 weeks hormones start raging again- and boy, are they ever!

Most looking forward to? Our Babymoon vacation, which is now only 2 weeks away! We'll be spending a full week relaxing in New Mexico, and I am very much looking forward to unplugging and unwinding with BC in the cool mountain air.

Dear Estrogen: Me and My Right Ovary Love You

I had another appointment with Dr. V this afternoon. This morning's blood draw (which was very tolerable- yay!) showed that my estrogen levels jumped from 230 on Friday to 738 today! Those hormones must have been partying all weekend long.

My right ovary is lovin' all that estrogen as well, as seen in today's counts:

Right ovary: 13, 13, 13, 10, 9, 6
Left ovary: 10, 10, 8, 6, 4
Estrogen: 738

My left ovary is apparently feeling lazy this cycle. My theory is that since I normally ovulate from the left side, that ovary is happy to take a break, sit on the sidelines, and let the right side shine. When I said something along those lines to Dr. V he said "maybe the right side will be the one that finally gets you pregnant!" Love that optimism, and I'll take it!

Not so optimistic? Fibroid Franny's fate. As Dr. V's sonogram brushed past her "look at me NOW!" girth, he mumbled "it is really growing against your uterus" (uh, we already determined that...) along with "it is really low and would be hard to reach- have you ever heard of robotic surgery?" Yeah. Not something I really want to be thinking about right now, and hopefully not something we need to consider for MANY, MANY months. Franny: lay off the estrogen. That stuff is meant for my follicles, and we don't need you feeding & festering any further.

The best news of the day? My exponential estrogen jump gets me out of having to do any more blood draws this cycle, since we now know my levels are good!!!

In summary:

Loving the estrogen?
*Me and my right ovary. May she continue to grow fantastically fertile follicles.
*Franny (damn her!)

Not digging the estrogen?
*My lazy left ovary and my boobs, which are starting to slowly but surely get their Gonal-F swell on.

That's about right

Meet Franny

I had an appointment with Dr. Vaughn this morning. You know you are a fertility patient when a month going by without seeing your doctor leads you into withdrawal. I was happy to be back in the saddle again!

During the exam, as Dr. V moved the sonogram wand around, right to left, it was clear that growth was taking place!

Sadly, that growth was my fibroid.

Since it appears she wants to be acknowledged, I shall call her Franny. Franny has been a part of me since my first sonograms with Dr. Vaughn. During my laparoscopic surgery last June, Dr. V had elected NOT to remove her, as she didn't appear to be in a place that would affect fertility. Also, if he had taken her out, I would have had to stay overnight at the hospital and my recovery time would have increased from 3 days to two weeks. Hence Franny stayed.

Maybe out of sympathy that nothin' else is currently growing inside me, she's decided to up her anty. Unfortunately she is growing toward my uterus, and starting to push into its left side. So what does this mean? It means if a wee Lambie baby attached to that section of my uterus, it would be as if there was extremely shallow, nutrient deficient soil there, and that little one wouldn't be able to grow. Of course I asked Dr. V if he thinks that might have been what caused our miscarriage, and he said it was unlikely, but not impossible.

The choices go like this:

1. Leave Franny alone and keep her monitored. Proceed full steam ahead with another round of injectables, and should a pregnancy occur, fingers and toes crossed that the little one implants anywhere but the lower left side of my uterus. Franny could be a bit uncomfortable with a pregnancy, but shouldn't pose any risks to the baby.

2. Remove Franny now. This would entail another laparoscopic surgery, an overnight at the hospital, 2 weeks off work for recovery, and a "100% guarantee" (according to Dr. V) that once I did get pregnant, I'd have to deliver by C-section. This is because part of my uterine lining would be cut with Franny's removal. Dr. V assures me they patch everything up extremely well, and that the lining should hold fine for a pregnancy, but likely couldn't withstand labor.

Given these choices, it isn't hard to see which way I'll go. Tonight begins ROUND TWO OF INJECTABLES! The prayers are going to be off the charts this month, b/c if we don't conceive this round, there is a really good chance Franny will have to come out (especially if she continues growing). I think I may go back to this years' vision board and specify that the words "birth" and "deliver" are meant for a BABY, not a FIBROID. Clarity of intention, people.

Ah, Gonal-F, we meet again. Please be as freakishly friendly & fertile as last month!

Kisses,

Me