Friday, March 9, 2012

The Great Healing (March Photos: Days 6-9)

Have you ever had a day where the universe smacks you in the face with a lesson? (warning- frou-frou post ahead)

That was my Wednesday.

Admittedly at the beginning of this month I was gung-ho to move immediately ahead with another injectables cycle. More hormones. More interventions. Telling myself that *obviously!* this was the only means by which I might achieve a pregnancy.

When I got the news that I had 2 cysts that would prevent me from injectables this month, I was extremely saddened & disappointed. It was a very lonely, lost feeling to not know where to turn next. Even my pulse turned "superficial" and unrooted.

That's when I had the revolutionary idea to turn to myself- to ask that still, small voice deep inside: what is the best thing for ME?

I was immediately overcome with the sense that I was not ready to do another surgery (though I've waffled back and forth on that a lot this past week), and that my body needed some time off from hormones & interventions. Along those lines, the other strong instincts that came to me:

*Shifting from Pilates back to yoga
When I met BC years ago, I was doing a regular Ashtanga Yoga practice. We shared a love of the practice that continued for our first few years together. More recently I have transitioned into Pilates, for its benefits in strengthening my core & my back. This week, however, that voice inside nudged me back toward yoga; toward a practice that encourages stretching, lengthening, opening, breathing, vs one that focuses on tightening and constricting (to a soundtrack of loud, fun, busy 80's music no less).

*Getting even healthier in my nutrition
I eat quite healthfully in my day to day life, but there is always room for more fruits & veggies, and continuing to limit adult beverages to only a few times/week. I will also continue to have green tea in lieu of coffee, with the occasional decaf cappuccino as a treat.

*Making time for nature
Being out in nature always soothes & relaxes me. It has a transformational, rejuvenating effect on my entire being. We are fortunate enough to live right near Austin's Lady Bird Lake, so just walking along the water & then laying down under a tall tree can re-set & heal my nervous system.

Back to Wednesday.

I had planned to meet Cristy (my clairvoyant friend who I check in with about the future little ones) for coffee & a mini session. I lamented to her how 'off' my body was this month (high temperatures, no positive OPK surge), likely from the hormones. How I felt like my entire natural system had been overridden and was now at the mercy of medical science.

Cristy worked with me on understanding that the past (almost 3!) years of trying to get pregnant have been a learning journey. Her sense (that resonated deeply within me) was that this journey is largely about my learning to trust myself. Really believe in my body & my ability to conceive. Release fear surrounding fertility and replace that fear with pure divine light. Work to truly love myself and appreciate my body. Her sense was that our little one was waiting for me to "get" these lessons. As she said that, another thought immediately came to me: this little one was wanting to be conceived through the deep connection between BC and I, vs. through a doctor's syringe. BC and I have been experiencing a beautiful, deep connection this month- emotionally and physically- just really enjoying one another and what we've built together.

I left my time with Cristy feeling very centered, rooted, clear. Feeling a deep shift inside toward taking some time to just get back to the basics- to my connection with myself and with BC, and see what might come of that.

And you know what happened that afternoon?

A POSITIVE OPK SURGE. No joke. Ok, universe- I'm getting it.

Then you know what else happened?

I got a letter from our insurance company saying we were approved for In-Network coverages for an IVF cycle. How about that timing? I've been around the block long enough to know that when there is a deep life lesson at hand the universe will test you left and right surrounding that lesson. So here I was, all hippied out in my plan to take time off and commune with nature & BC, when medical science sent a big red banner: COME BACK! YOU NEED US! HOW COMMITTED ARE YOU REALLY TO THAT DEEP INTUITION INSIDE?

And you know what I did?

Yoga. Then BC. ; )


And here is my catch up session with photos 6-9 for this month, all beautifully related to this post:

Combined Day 6: Challenge, and Day 7: Purple
 Back to the good 'ole purple yoga mat. My challenge? 
Truly listing to my heart, which includes the shift back into yoga.

Day 8: Heal
 Nature always has the ability to deeply heal me. Every time I look at this picture I immediately take a deep breath- feeling the warm sunshine streaming down through the cool, crisp air.

Day 9: Soft
I am obsessed with clouds. LOVE THEM. Every kind. I actually took an Atmospheric and Oceanic Sciences course in college just so I could study clouds. These are deliciously soft alto-cumulus puffs.

Tomorrow we leave for 9 nights at our rented 1 bedroom cottage in Wimberley, on 35 acres of beautiful, pristine nature.

I'll be bringing the yoga mat.


  1. Beautiful photos and a lovely post! Enjoy your escape!

  2. Hmmm...this journey is taking you to some wonderful places, indeed. We're glad to have you back in the yoga fold, friend.