Be careful what you wish for.
Remember in my last post when I said I wished my insurance had IVF coverage?
Well, it doesn't.
BUT…. after having a vivid dream this weekend about investigating IVF studies (weird, right?), and knowing of one currently going on at my clinic, I shot out an email to the head of the study.
Turns out I qualify. And could start as soon as December.
It's for women ages 35-42 who have regular cycles and have been trying to get pregnant. It definitely isn't free, but between the insurance coverage we do have and the stipend the study provides, we could do a full IVF cycle for about 1/4 of what it normally costs. And I actually have enough savings right now to afford it should we choose to pull the trigger.
So therein lies the million dollar question… do we pull the trigger?
After talking with the head nurse and hearing everything entailed with IVF, I felt a bit overwhelmed. It is definitely a time, money, & body commitment to go through this process! And? The stats for our clinic overall for IVF pregnancy success in women ages 38-42 is 27%. And of that 27% only 19% go on to a live birth. So there is an 80% chance this all would amount to nothing but a lot of crazy hormones & heartache.
The nurse was quick to point out that I am on the lower end of the 38-42 age range. I also know that all of my tests for egg reserve and quality have been excellent. That BC's numbers are almost always excellent. So I'd like to think that maybe our stats might be more favorable than the average.
However the possibility of failure still terrifies me.
I am pretty sure I would not be ready to go full in with December's cycle. Especially considering the Holidays, and how we'd be at my body's whims for procedural timings. Sorry family, I can't come to Christmas this year because we have to retrieve some eggs! See 'ya in 2015.
What does feel right is possibly planning ahead to say something like "if we are not pregnant by the start of my January (or February) cycle, THEN we will move forward and go all in with the study." Knowing full well that I can change my mind about participating at any time. And taking the risk that the study could end before I get the chance to participate.
One reassuring thing I did learn is that if we had more than 2 good quality embryos as a result of this IVF we could freeze the remaining ones toward future frozen embryo transfers (FETs). Those are much more affordable and less invasive per try, so that is a good silver lining to have in the back of my mind should we participate in the study and not conceive.
Of course I am holding out hope that we become pregnant on our own before having to consider the study. Miracles can happen, and our Iyla Grace is an excellent example of just such a miracle! But the fact remains we've been actively trying again for 1.5 years, and I am not getting any younger- so having a PLAN and this study opportunity might not be such a bad thing. I really am at the point where I am willing to do whatever it takes to bring another little one into our family. I am so ready!
Those of you who follow this blog and have been on the infertility roller-coaster (or just want to chime in!), what would you do?
Decisions, decisions. Grateful at the very least to have this opportunity to consider.