Fall Adventures & TWW Obsessing

I am loving the cooler mornings here in Austin. Cooler weather = toddler fall cuteness OVERLOAD.

Yesterday I bought Iyla some cozy fuzzy Ugg type boots, to which I was quickly and definitely told "no like these!" However, when I pulled out Iyla's moccasins this morning- fearing a similar reaction- I got an immediate "I like moccasins!" and that little lady didn't want me to take them off, even when we returned home from our morning adventures. Hooray! This kid definitely has her own opinions on style.

Too cute!

Earlier this week I spontaneously took Iyla to a Gymboree "Open Gym" playtime. We've gone to classes two times at the local Gymboree, once when Iyla was around 6 months and again when she was 18 months. She had fun at the last class, but greatly preferred to run free and do her own thing (plus I had a big issue with the fact that the teacher could.not.sing to save her life, and the class was all about songs). 

The Open Gym? HUGE success! I was so proud of how brave and adventurous Iyla was- doing many activities "by self" after only one or two times holding my hand. She still won't go down a slide on her own, but we're getting there.

I am now 5 days past ovulation (DPO) and have had an interesting run of symptoms so far. Most are likely due to the Follistim and Ovidrel meds at this point vs from an actually possible pregnancy, since it is still so early in the game.

I took my Ovidrel trigger last Wednesday, then had IUIs Thursday and Friday. On Thursday evening and into Friday mid-day, I was having some burning in my intestinal tract. 

Here are my current DPO symptoms:

Friday: Ovulation day: Pretty intense abdominal/intestinal pain that night. Breasts already starting to feel sore. Had acupuncture at 11, and likely ovulated (3 eggs!) around that same time.

Saturday: 1DPO: Lots more bloating & intestinal pain, along with lower back pain, resulting in (sorry for TMI) diarrhea. This was different than a stomach virus because I still had an appetite.

Sunday: 2DPO: More bloating & pretty extreme intestinal pain coupled with lower back pain. I was a little worried I might be developing OHSS, but I wasn't gaining any weight and my doctor's office said these were all pretty normal reactions to the meds I was on. Fun!

Monday: 3DPO: Sharp ovarian pains on and off, especially on my right side. I had trouble peeing due to the cramping pain on that side. Bloating went down. Breasts fuller and still painful. Slept extremely soundly & well with vivid dreams- which hasn't happened in a LONG TIME. Started progesterone supplements.

Tuesday: 4DPO: Full and sore breasts, feeling really fatigued all day despite the good nights' sleep. Increased appetite. Have tickley happy energy in my belly & back. Sleep super sound with very vivid dreams again.

Today: 5DPO: Full and sore breasts (the right side more so) and noticeable fatigue. Feeling hungry soon after eating, and am peeing a lot (though that is normal for me). I may have just ordered a pizza.

I am letting myself feel excited and hopeful this cycle, while still remaining realistic…. I think my odds with each injectables cycle are only about 20%. All of my fingers and toes are crossed!

In conclusion, I bring you Iyla's amazing nap hair. It's been off the charts the last few days, and I like to call it her "Elvis hair:"

Austin's Allergy Forecast & Other Ramblings

Did you know that our city's allergens are so bad that we have a daily allergy forecast?

When I first moved to Austin in 1999, I heard rumors about these notorious allergies. People said that it often took years to develop them, but eventually, most locals would become goners.

I think my time has come.

I woke up yesterday morning with a sore, scratchy throat and was a bit alarmed that I might be getting sick. The rest of the day was spent in a sneezy, snotty haze. Today all of those symptoms have been joined by nasty muscle aches- which found me googling if tylenol was OK to take during the first trimester (I am assuming and acting as though we are pregnant during this two-week wait). Seems "ash" has been high the last couple of days- wondering why that didn't come up during my awesome allergy screening back in October? I doubt that dust mites have suddenly exploded out of control (though there are obscene numbers of dust bunnies in our house right now. My trusty Swifter Sweeper bit the dust and I've been too lazy to replace it).

And in other news- my boobs are totally OUT.OF.CONTROL- again. Gracious. They are needing to be physically held while going up and down stairs, can't have ANY pressure against them (hugs, cats on the lap) and are bursting out of my bras. Admittedly they look awesome, but good Lord. As I did back in December, I am fully attributing this to Gonal-F- yet at the same time remaining hopeful that maybe there are other reasons at play for their blow up. Time will tell.

My acupuncturist confirmed that it was probably best to lay off pilates during this TWW. And because of these allergies, I am avoiding outdoor walks as well. So what's a girl to do at the absence of her regular exercise routines? Here's my plan:

Eat homemade chocolate chip cookies:

 If I can't shrink my behind, might as well add some deliciousness to it

Read through my newest Frou-Frou book additions:

I am fascinated by the whole "we plan our life ahead of time" concept.

  I am hoping the lessons in this fertility struggle are learned and conquered ASAP!!

Ponder the purchase of this Anthropologie dress that I've tried on for two days in a row now:

Can't quite justify it, but dang is it cute!

I have a 2 day real estate class tomorrow and Friday, and would like to officially apologize to all those unlucky folks who will be in the class with me. I shall be a sneezing, snotty mess- but hey! I'm not contagious- it's just those awesome Austin allergies.

Here's to the forecast changing soon- something along the lines of "sunny with a good chance of babies" would be nice. ; )

Moving Forward

I am sitting at one of my happy places here in Austin- the Driskill Hotel- having a lovely breakfast at their Cafe 1886. Christmas music is streaming through the speakers as sunlight filters in to illuminate the holiday travelers starting their days. I am indulging in a cappuccino (one shot only!), and luxuriating in the moment.

I feel peace. I feel healing. I feel so ready to move on to this next cycle.

I have always been someone who is able to move on pretty quickly in life. I am a forward thinking planner & dreamer, seldom looking over my shoulder at what is behind me. Seldom having regrets. This wasn't always so hot for my ex-boyfriends when they found themselves quickly replaced, but this trait is boding well for me in the fertility world.

I am so proud of myself for genuinely mourning this loss, feeling that pain, letting that grief and vulnerability bubble up and release. It was cleansing, healing, freeing. I have moved from a shallow feeling of HOPE, always wondering, to a strongly rooted BELIEF this can really happen. This DID happen. This WILL happen again. I know it with every ounce of my body.

I've also healed the sorrow & envy that would trickle in every time I heard someone was pregnant. Now, instead of feeling that these women had something I didn't, I KNOW I can have that too. My body can create life.

Last month, in addition to feeling very zen in my TWW,  I decided to energetically replace the term "TRYING" (to get pregnant), to "ALLOWING." "Trying" feels tight and restricted and fearful, whereas "allowing" is lighter, open, receptive. Those are the qualities that are more apt to bring a little one in.

I was told yesterday by my nurse that I'd had a chemical pregnancy this cycle, which is pretty much a fancy term for a very early miscarriage. This morning my body began its release in full force. I am grateful it is happening on its own so quickly; however, the timing of it is creating some challenging logistics for this next cycle. I feel 100% resolute that I want to move forward with another injectables cycle. In lieu of discouraging me, this month's events have renewed my faith & genuinely energized me. Momentum has built and it would be extremely difficult to take a month off.

Did I mention we leave Friday for 5 days in Kansas with BC's family? Timing wise injectables cycles are started on CD 3, which is Thursday, and that would put me at 6 full days of being unmonitored, which my doctor will not allow.

Thus I spent the morning chatting with my sister-in-law to get a doctor recommendation in Kansas, and was able to find a clinic that can see me on the 26th for monitoring (at 7:30 in the morning. Of course). If my insurance will support this, we'll be a go for full steam ahead. I'll be packing up the Gonal-F pen for a whirlwind vacation with the in-laws.

I've also decided that in the next couple of weeks I am going to:

*Eat lots of sushi
*Eat my steaks medium rare
*Eat soft cheeses
*Indulge in (limited) glasses of red wine
*Take lots of pilates classes

All with the anticipation of (hopefully) having to give these items up again soon. Babycakes will also be happy to hear that for now I can resume taking care of the cat litter. I plan to continue with weekly acupuncture, re-visit D for another energy cleansing, and also check in with Cristy to hear what the little ones were up to with this month's events.

The Quest continues! May 2012 bring Baby Lambert home.