Thursday, March 1, 2012

March Photo Challenge

Belle over at the lovely Scrambled Eggs Blog has proposed a March photo challenge. I've decided to play along- figuring it is a great way to have a distraction from all this TTC craziness, and also a creative way to encourage me to blog more often.

Today's subject: Self Portrait

This one is pretty accurate for how I've been feeling & posting lately. It was taken with BC's iPad photo app- I was having a great time experimenting with the different settings & effects.

In my own TTC world, I've decided to try something new and revolutionary: listening to MYSELF. Taking my own intuition on treatments & timing as priority over the opinions of friends, family, acupuncturists, psychics, doctors, etc. And you know what I decided this month? I am NOT ready to have another laparoscopic surgery. At least not yet. My thought process went something like this:

*If I do the surgery now, I"ll be out of work for 2 weeks, and be compromised physically on my Wimberley trip with BC
*If I do the surgery, it guarantees I will have to have a c-section when babies come
*If I do the surgery now, we won't be able to TTC for at least 2 months, and that completely rules out any chance of Baby Lambert coming home in 2012
*Miracles do happen- *maybe* we will get a surprise natural BFP!
*I'd rather keep the window of opportunity open this month, vs slamming it shut with surgery

And here's where life steps in and has her way with me. It seems to me that once one is on the Fertility Roller-Coaster, it is extremely hard to get off. Remember that month after our 1st injectables cycle & miscarriage, when I thought either I missed ovulation completely or not ovulated at all? It seems like this is happening again.

A huge part of my decision not to do surgery this month was to keep our TTC window open (I admit I have a slight hang up about bringing a baby home in 2012, and that window is getting closer and closer to disappearing). It appears that again, my body is onto us- essentially flipping off me and my plans. I don't blame it for being confused- we pumped it so full of hormones last month that its natural mojo was completely overrun. This month, my temps are remaining high - post ovulation type high (98.1-98.2 waking)- yet ovulation has not occurred. I'm still having heat flashes, likely from my body trying to make sense of my hormonal hangover. I am on CD 13, and given the high temps, fully believe my eggs are getting BAKED and because of this will likely not release. I've been doing daily OPKs with no sign of a surge. So maybe this month wasn't such a bad time to have surgery after all. *Sigh*

Now the question becomes: do I let my body naturally get back into equilibrium (and let's face it- our TTC naturally didn't lead to much success), or do I hold on tight to the ART coaster & keep upping the anty- the hormones & surgeries & interventions- until we succeed in medically making a baby?

All I can do is take things one day at a time, one decision at a time. For now, I'm hoping my cysts are calming down & deflating, and that if my body is indeed taking a month off, it will be gearing up for bigger and brighter things in the months to come.

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