Saturday, February 14, 2015

Updates on The Study

I knew there was a chance after my last cycle (which I hoped and prayed would be THE cycle where I miraculously got pregnant naturally) that I might still be able to participate in The Study.  Bloodwork & initial screening had been done, and the Study Coordinator had me on the tentative roster for late January.

The estimated time frame of it all was crazy. It was likely that the retrieval and embryo transfer (the biggest parts of the IVF process) would go down right around the time we'd be heading out for a 9 day getaway outside of Austin, meaning we'd have to drive back into town for those procedures. It's also the absolute busiest time of the year with my work right now, with nary a spare moment to myself.

I am already feeling crazy with how much is on my plate…so I figured why not throw an IVF cycle into the mix?

And so it began. Or rather, my period began. On a Saturday morning, of course, which meant I had to go in to get my final study screening done by cycle day 3 (Monday) at the latest. I left message after message at my doctor's office and got radio silence all.weekend.long. I was cursing The Study Coordinator (whom we'll call Turtle for her ridiculously slow correspondence) more than ever, as she had made it clear SHE was the one who would schedule all appointments.

That Sunday afternoon BC departed for a week long business trip. That Sunday night at 7:30pm, Iyla began the first of her sleep regression episodes. When I collapsed into bed at 8:45, I finally had a response from Turtle, saying I had to come into the office Monday at 2pm to do my final screening.

I was irate. I was with Iyla all by myself on Mondays, and 2pm was smack dab in the middle of her nap time. I could have easily come in for my screening at any other point that entire weekend while BC was home to tag team with me, had Turtle returned my messages sooner.

Several back and forth emails later, I'd at the very least been able to push the appointment back to 3pm, though there was no getting around Iyla having to accompany me.

And so it was. Iyla came with me to 2 doctor appointments, 1 blood draw, and 2 pharmacy visits (the first pharmacy's electronic system was completely down, resulting in 20 person deep lines at the 2nd pharmacy). We didn't get home until 7pm which is usually Iyla's bedtime. I was exhausted to say the least, but absolutely amazed at how well Iyla did. She thought the entire afternoon was one big grand adventure, waving her play magic wand at every stop and delighting in getting to watch her beloved Frozen during all of my appointments.

Interestingly enough I found out from Turtle that The Study had just been put on an indefinite hold. At my screening appointment she had me back date all of my paperwork, such that I barely squeaked in before the hiatus. Further confirmation that my pull to participate in the midst of my insane schedule was the right thing to do.

My attitude during all of this has been surprisingly non emotional and skeptical. Life is keeping me so busy I don't have any time to think about The Study itself- to scrutinize and analyze protocol and statistics. And if you pinned me down to ask me if I thought this would result in a pregnancy? My resounding response would be NO.

I've been so nonchalant, in fact, that when I went to my pre-Lurpon sonogram appointment last week I had completely forgotten that I was supposed to bring BC with me, along with all of our IVF paperwork to sign.


I guess I might have to start paying a little bit more attention.

So… why am I doing this if I don't feel like it is going to work?

I'm doing it to give one last big PUSH in the intervention world- and IVF is as big of a push as you can do.

I'm doing it because the opportunity with The Study saves us a lot of money on this intervention.

I'm doing it with the hope that if we don't get pregnant, we'll still have some good quality embryos to freeze toward future cycles.

And if I DIDN'T do it? I'd always wonder 'what if' if we weren't to get pregnant again.

This way, if we make the huge push and don't get pregnant, at least I know we gave it our all. Then I can more easily come to a place of peace in my heart about being a family of 3. I am oh so grateful for the beautiful, smart, silly, charismatic little girl we are fortunate enough to spend our days with. It's an amazingly good life, and I work hard to stay in a place of gratitude for all I've been given.

I am now in my 3rd week of birth control pills and will begin Lupron shots tomorrow morning. In another week and a half I'll start my stimulation meds, toward a retrieval and transfer in the first half of March- ironically the exact same time of year that Iyla was conceived. God help BC if we were to conceive another Scorpio!

And away we go...


  1. Turtle! Haha! I like that your expectations are low. :) but you're still doing what you need to do to cover your bases. No sense in getting emotionally invested in the study when it feels like kind of a mess. It's all up to chance at this point! I wish you all the luck!! And if you end up smily of three with Iyla, well you got the cutest little girl ever! Love her!