Showing posts with label zen. Show all posts
Showing posts with label zen. Show all posts

Saturday, June 23, 2012

18 Weeks: A Visit to the ER & a Psychic Fair

My 18 week milestone started off with a bang today with a visit to the Emergency Room.

This past week I have had several mornings in a row where upon waking- before using the restroom- I've had a small amount of clear fluid leak out of me. Odorless, watery.... I had assumed it was urine. This morning in a comparison smell test (gross, I know) I put a drop of urine on my finger and it had a very distinct urine odor- unlike the fluid that has been leaking out.

I immediately started googling things like "does amniotic fluid periodically leak in pregnancy?" and proceeded to completely freak.myself.out. Any amniotic fluid leaks are BAD news, and something to see a doctor about immediately. Of course it was Saturday, so after talking to my on-call nurse the only option was the ER. There went my pre-natal yoga plans!

Upon arrival to the hospital, I was grateful to be seen quickly. The nurse immediately found the baby's heartbeat (a calm 144-145- at least the little one wasn't all worked up!) and told us the on-call doctor would be in shortly. No one seemed alarmed, which was good. The doctor checked my cervix (closed tight & long- hooray!) and did a PH test on my vaginal fluid. It came back negative for amniotic fluid- there was a slight abnormality on another test but it was most likely due to the fact that BC and I had had some sexy time last night (awesome timing, as it turns out... making the tests more complicated and each speculum probe a lot more painful!). No infections were found, and the doctor surmised the fluid was likely either very watery vaginal discharge or urine. She said it is very uncommon to have amniotic fluid leak this early- and if it did, it is usually on/off throughout the day, not just in the morning. I was so grateful for the peace of mind from the visit, and will now be nicknamed "Leaky Lambert."

The most hilarious part? On my discharge paperwork, they noted my "Chief Complaint" as Pregnancy. Ha!



Later this afternoon I geeked out and attended a metaphysical Psychic fair, hoping to have a reading done. I found a woman I'd had a brief phone session with months ago and she set out to focus on connecting to the baby. Some interesting tidbits that came up:

*She definitely got female energy- said that doesn't necessarily mean it is a girl, but that there was indeed a lot of female energy around this little one.

*This little one is a very old soul, and very happy to finally be able to come through!

*BC is going to be extremely close to this child- it will take him by surprise how immediately and fully he feels this connection.

*The little one was concerned with coming too early due to medical folks saying it was necessary- something to do with my blood sugar/pancreas. The psychic advised it would be good to continue acupuncture & energy work toward balancing this out.

*The babe is preferring a gentle, calm natural birth. S***. That was definitely not my plan!! It's true I got a strong vibe/intuition the DAY this little one was conceived that he/she was waiting to come in naturally (and did), so this news didn't surprise me. But it does throw me a bit off kilter, as I have been pretty sure I'm going to want an epidural. I am committed to remaining open and starting to research birthing centers & midwives, then following my own intuition from there.

*I asked about work/finances after the baby comes, as this is an ongoing discussion with BC & I, and something I struggle to find clarity with. My gut tells me I am going to want to be home with this babe full time for awhile after he/she comes, which means saving as much money as possible now and having to cut back on many expenses after the birth. The Psychic said she doesn't have any red flags about finances for us- and does see some sort of part time work coming in for me around the time the babe is 6 months, though exactly what that was isn't clear. She saw me surrounded by children (not my own)- so something possibly in that field? We shall see!

Now onto the 18 week updates:

How far along? 18 weeks today

How big is baby? The baby is now the size of a sweet potato, measuring roughly 5.6 inches & weighing 6.7 ounces. He/she is going through a rapid growth period, and it's weight will increase by 6x in the next four weeks! That should definitely affect my belly's ever expanding girth. The unique fingerprints are also developing this week.

Weight gain? Fluctuates between 2.5lb-3lbs. The ER nurse asked me for my weight when I checked in today. I told her my scale at home was reading between 110.5-111, and joked that probably meant 115 on the doctor's scale. She smirked and said "I'm going to record 115 just because I"m jealous." While I appreciated her humor, I didn't appreciate the 115 notation.

18 Week Belly


Sleep? I've been having crazy "Lifetime Movie of the Week" type dreams- linear tales that have a very clear beginning, middle, end & drama around them... often about characters that aren't even a part of my real life. 

Symptoms? The migraines are still taunting me- I've had maybe 5-6 in the past week and a half. The on-call doctor today said she was OK with the niacin + tylenol combo I've been successfully using, which made me feel a lot better (my regular OB was OK with this as well). I feel so guilty every time I have to take anything! Apparently these specific pregnancy weeks (from about 16-20) are known for an uptick in headaches- so hopefully those will calm down soon. This week's leaking was my other fun new symptom! 

Food cravings/aversions? I haven't had too big of an appetite this week- not sure why. The needing to eat within 30-60 minutes of waking remains, and I've been loving watermelon- though I wouldn't call it an all out 'craving.' 

Maternity clothes? I think I finally have a pretty solid collection of dresses & stretchy skirts that will help get me through the hot summer. I can also still wear my stretchy waisted capri jeans- so between those & the skirts/dresses I should be set for awhile.

Most looking forward to? Starting to feel movement! Every once in a blue moon I *think* I might feel a little tap or swish, but absolutely nothing consistent or conclusive. The babe is obviously in there with a strong heartbeat- I like to believe he/she is just a very calm, Zen little soul. I can hope, right? 

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Zen and the Art of TTC Maintenance


The old familiar AF type cramps started this evening. I am supposed to do a blood test tomorrow to see if we got pregnant this month, but b/c I loathe blood tests so much part of me really wants to just ditch it and 'wait and see.' You know, like how regular fertile people do it? Where you wait until you've missed a period and do a non-invasive pee test to confirm everything?

I've been very zen this cycle. I haven't obsessed over what DPO I am, and have not taken any pregnancy tests. I think part of me has wanted to prolong the "what IF?" as long as possible. Let myself dwell in the possibility- the positivity- of maybe being pregnant. But these cramps are definitely suspect, and make me even grumpier about tomorrow's scheduled blood test.

And also? I totally want to cut my boobs off. They are SO sore it is absolutely ridiculous. To the point where I can't even hug BC without wincing.  Sadly I cannot count this as a possible pregnancy symptom, b/c this pain started before I even ovulated-- full on Gonal-F boobs.

I had a dream a couple of nights ago where I was caring for a newborn baby (it wasn't clear if the baby was mine or not, but I was definitely in charge of its' care). The baby communicated to me that it wanted red beans. I was confused and told the baby it should really want milk. When I awoke, I was obsessed with the idea that maybe I was supposed to eat red beans? (I have been - sorry TMI- awfully constipated lately). So when I arrived at my local coffee shop for a breakfast date, I promptly ordered beans as my side dish. Upon their arrival I took a HUGE bite and totally burnt the s*** out of my mouth.

I feel like the Universe is really having a field day with me lately. It seems like every time I try to find meaning & hope in the TTC world, I get burned. There is a Real Estate adage pertaining to folks who are hesitant to work with someone who in the past has led them astray. It goes: "Have you ever burnt your mouth on an piece of pizza?" (cue most folks nodding yes). "Well, will you ever eat pizza again?"

That's how I feel. No matter how many times I get burned, I will continue to look for hope in the little things. Like dreams. And psychic predictions. And drawing out the TWW for as long as humanly possible. It's how I pick myself up month after month and persevere in the face of such difficult adversity. And I do learn from every experience. This month's lesson?  Cool my beans and continue to remain as zen as possible about the whole TTC experience.

Can I have an "Om?!"