Thursday, August 16, 2012

Pregnant Hilton Gold Member Lifts Prune Juice From VIP Lounge

It was bound to happen sooner or later- a blog entry devoted to talking about something most people prefer not to discuss, but seems to come up sooner or later on most pregnancy blogs (BC- turn away now!).


This is something that pre-pregnancy I already struggled with, always at its worst when traveling. So now add in 6+ months of pregnancy and a week long trip to a dry mountain climate, and Houston, we have a problem.

Have you ever heard of the expression 'ripping someone a new a**hole?' Yeah, I think that literally happened to me yesterday. In fact it now feels like I may have several a**holes down there, though sadly none of them are functioning properly.

I had gone to the restroom prepared to do my duties and immediately realized I was in a precarious predicament. Things moved *ahem* down, but then got lodged right by the exit, stubbornly holding on for dear life. I spent close to a full 15 minutes working the few abdominal muscles I have left... wiggling, breathing, standing then sitting again, humming, straining, trying every.single.thing I could think of to dislodge the troops. To no avail.

It felt like I had a bag of marbles stuffed inside me.

I finally realized I had to go in. Things were not going to come out as they should, so I literally had to take matters into my own hands. It was mortifying and disgusting and immensely painful.

Mind you, this was all happening in a fancy Hilton Hotel restroom, where we were staying for free due to my Hilton Honors points. I've been using a Hilton American Express card for years now, putting all major purchases on the card and paying it off in full every month for maximum award points.

This year I proudly achieved "Gold Status," complete with a shiny new gold card which gives members benefits like free WIFI & free breakfasts. And on this trip I discovered a new perk: Hilton Hotels have a top secret VIP lounge reserved only for Gold Members.

VIP Lounge + pregnant woman = DANGER.

This lounge was right next to our hotel room, accessible by our room key. Inside it was fully stocked 24 hours a day with cookies, muffins, cereal, bagels, juice, granola bars- the works. I may or may not have stopped in to grab something every time we passed by.

On the last visit before we checked out I noticed there was prune juice among the drink options. My acupuncturist had highly recommended this as something to help my constipation, but I have never been able to find any at our local grocery stores. And low and behold here it was, in the Hilton VIP lounge (is constipation a prerequisite for Gold Status?). Knowing we were checking out and heading to a Marriott hotel in Taos- where I had NO special status- I did what any self respecting girl would do: I stuffed a bag full of food & drinks, including clearing out the entire prune juice supply.

The last remnants of my Hilton VIP lounge stash. 
Hoping there weren't any secret surveillance cameras in the room....

So there you have it- the extreme measures one will go through to obtain regularity. I can't say the prune juice is working any magic just yet, but in 2 days we'll be back in Austin, and I'm hopeful my system will return to a more normal rhythm then. Marbles be GONE!

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