Another Dream

Last night a baby girl who was clearly our daughter appeared in my dream. She looked exactly how I'd pictured her-  chubby with a full head of thick hair (of course she looked like I'd pictured, right? It was MY subconscious dreaming her up). There was also something to do with the date July 11th, which I took note of. This is the very first time I've dreamt of babe #2, and I took it as an auspicious sign that perhaps his/her journey to us is near.

I should also point out that Iyla appeared to me in a dream about 3 weeks before we conceived her….

Worth the wait

I had fun this cycle obsessing over every.little.thing, since the anty was upped with the Femara and IUI. I Googled endless DPO sign threads and paid crazy attention to every twitch and tingle in my body. I do still feel very Zen about this process, and keep faith that another babe will come to us. I have learned I can do everything humanly possible to call that little one in- but that in the end, they will come when THEY are good and ready.

Having said all that, I unfortunately think this cycle is a bust. I had pink spotting at 5dpo with light brown since then- and today at 8dpo there was a significant swipe of red blood in the morning. It seems really early for my cycle to be starting (and would be an extremely short luteal phase!), but alas- it appears that's what may be happening.

The lovely silver lining this month? Our upcoming trip to New York City in TWO WEEKS!

I plan to fully partake in cocktails.

Human Velcro

What exactly is human velcro, you ask?

Well, for the last week, human velcro = Iyla Grace.

We had family over one week ago for dinner & drinks (the night of my cousin's auspicious pregnancy test)… and Iyla G, out of nowhere, started whining "Mommymommymommy" over and over and over again. First of all, she's NEVER called me Mommy before. Up until that point I'd been "Mama." Secondly, the clingy need-to-be-constantly-glued-to-my-side made it extremely difficult to eat, socialize, relax, etc.

This behavior has now continued all week long.

Typically when our sweet nanny arrives, there is some creative distraction required to help transition Iyla. This week, however, Iyla upped the anty. She was not having any of our old tricks. There was full on climbing all over me, sobbing, and throwing herself to the ground. It has been difficult and heart tugging to say the least, as I absolutely HATE to leave her when she is in that state.

That being said, sources report that within minutes of my finally leaving, she is just fine.

Our nanny texted this picture to me after a particularly demonstrative morning protest. Here's Iyla happily back snacking at her play kitchen. Stinker!

I used to love checking in on the nanny and Iyla when I would come and go during the day, but this week stopping to check in on them has lead to trauma & tantrums. So I need to come up with a new battle plan; namely, my staying AWAY until I am actually taking over toddler duties.

And that whole "Mommymommymommy" thing? It's like Iyla's new mantra. I have officially become MOMMY to her, and with that title comes enormous expectation. MOMMY needs to be there playing with Iyla at all times. MOMMY cannot leave to cook food, clean up, or use the restroom. MOMMY cannot talk to other people. And MOMMY is definitely not allowed to leave the house.

This new turn of behavior has me extremely nervous for our upcoming NYC trip. I have to keep faith that once I am GONE Iyla will adjust and do just fine, but the leaving part is going to be tough. I'm also not sure Facetiming will be wise, given it may confuse and upset her further. Boo!

Oh, sweet baby girl… I LOVE that you are loving your MOMMY so much right now, but boy do I hope this is a short lived phase. And boy are you lucky you're cute!

A Hopeful Frou-Frou Post

You may recall that I have a cousin who has an uncanny ability to predict my pregnancies. Both times I've been pregnant, she had vivid dreams and KNEW before I even knew myself.

When we were in Vegas, she had another vivid dream. Here is the email she sent me on April 2nd, 2014:

So, this could be my crazy subconscious mixing up thoughts of our other cousin's awesome pregnancy news, seeing pictures of my parents with Iyla (the one of my dad just melted my heart) and being habitually late almost every month this year BUT the dream I had last night...

The same colors and vividness of my previous "predictions." 

We were pregnant together, our due dates were the same, and we were driving in a car talking (like my dream with you and our other cousin driving in a car talking about how awesome it was that you were pregnant at the same time). Iyla may have been a little bit older, but it couldn't have been by much because her hair was the same (yes they are that vivid).

I actually had my baby, and dreamt every detail of the labor too- it was crazy. It was a little boy and it is truly amazing the feelings and the love you can actually feel in just a dream.  

Well that sounded crazy, and it probably is- another thought though, I dreamt my last dream of your pregnancy with Iyla while you were on vacation with BC ;)

Last night, upon hearing that this cousin was a few days late on her cycle (she was over with her family for dinner/drinks) her sister and I ushered her into the bathroom to take a pregnancy test, which immediately popped up "PREGNANT." Cue a lot of shock on her part, excitement on mine… because I totally remembered her dream.

And? This morning I got my positive LH surge. Of COURSE! BC's troops have been collected and dropped off, and in 2 hours I will have an IUI. How's that for timing? I think as soon as my cousin saw the word "Pregnant" my ovaries started firing.

My cousin said that if I do get pregnant this cycle it definitely confirms her psychic abilities…so we shall see! I am absolutely still very Zen about it all, knowing another babe- if meant to be- will come in his/her own time.

But dang if there isn't a brilliant rainbow over my head right now with hundreds of unicorns jumping over it! 

Femara & IUIs & Mommy Thumb, Oh My!

A few updates from the past week...

We re-discovered sweet Iyla G has an intolerance for tomatoes. She had a handful of bites at dinner (and loved them!) and within 30 minutes was screaming in abdominal pain, which resulted in diarrhea. I couldn't stomach tomatoes when pregnant, and highly suspected sensitivities with her when I ate them while breastfeeding. Poor buddy! This on top of a nasty cold I gave to both BC and Iyla.

BC comforting our sad baby girl post tomatoes

I finally had surgery on my Mommy Thumb Friday! I had to be put completely under and wear a huge bandage for 3 days with very limited use of my right hand. Slowly but surely I am getting more and more movement and use of my hand, and am optimistic that this will solve the problem once and for all.

Iyla saying "kiss boo-boo!" She has been so sweet.

I visited good 'ole Dr. Vaughn for the first time in over 2 years! He was as sweet & feisty as ever. Took a look at Franny- who has definitely grown a bit- but who Dr. Vaughn still feels is better left alone than dealing with surgery to remove (yay!). We are going full steam ahead, and the day of my appointment I began taking Femara and we will do a Femara/IUI cycle this month. The current plan is June Femara/IUI, July Femara/intercourse (given our trip to NYC), and if nothing has taken at that point, possibly moving to a Gonal-F injectables cycle/IUI in August. 

BC asked if I thought all of this was needed to get pregnant, given our history (3 years of SO many medicated/IUI cycles, then ultimately conceiving naturally on our own). My response and overall attitude? Who knows, but why not? I am ready to be proactive. I feel much less desperation this time around than I did before we had Iyla, and am hopeful I can keep this relaxed, low stress attitude as we move forward. I feel excited and ready to rock n roll toward baby #2! We've been actively trying for a year since my cycle returned, and for almost 6 months since I stopped breastfeeding. Giving a little extra UMPH to the process definitely can't hurt.

Iyla has been growing up daily, and it constantly amazes me! This morning while having her milk, she opened up her hand and I said to her (as I always do)- "those are your fingers!" To which she replied "need cut nails." Ha! Yesterday I had told her we needed to cut her nails (and we did), and that little bugger remembered and thought she'd ask about it again today.

She also showed me that she can now climb up on park benches all.by.herself, thank you very much! Big girl.

So proud

Feeling so much gratitude and appreciation daily for all things in my life- the sweet sense of balance between work, family, and "me" time… and of course, for this darling little girl. We are blessed!

19 Months Old!

Sweet Iyla Grace, today you are 19 months old! You have grown so much in the past month in so many ways. I moved you into 12-18 month pajamas last month- which had room to spare at the time- and they are already bursting at the seams! Your temperament can be hot or cold on a given day- we'll have a few days in a row where you are the SWEETEST, most affectionate, fun and easy going girl in the world… then another couple of days where you are- as we say- a "fussy foo-foo" who is clingy, wining, & short fused. On those days we have taught you to say "hot mess," because it helps lighten the mood. ; )

I find I fall more and more in love with you every single day, and always look forward to our time together!

How big?

Here you are with Sam! This month after your morning milk I asked if we could take pictures of you with Sam, and you got very excited- saying "pic, Sam! pic, Sam!" over and over. So cute!

Teeth?

On June 8th I noticed a 7th tooth had broken through- the bottom right tooth, next to the middle right tooth. You've been working to use your teeth more to actually bite food, and a few times have experimented with giving me a gentle bite on the leg or shoulder.

Food?

This month you started the most adorable routine when we hand you one of your beloved crackers. You will immediately run from the kitchen into your playroom and sit in your chair, savoring every single bite! You always try to share some with Sam and your dollies.

Video of your cracker journey! I love how you share with Sam first.

You are also loving blueberries & watermelon as part of your regular rotation, as well as a juice we get from a local stand that has apple, pear, spinach, and kale in it:

Two-fisting after a hot walk with a pouch & your juice

Sleep?

That week of fussing at nap and bedtime was happily a short lived thing, and lately you've again been going down sweetly and easily. I love that you tend to wake happily and quietly, and seem to enjoy your alone time playing in your crib post sleep.

I snuck in last week to watch you sleep. SOOO precious!

Words?

This month has seen an explosion of language development! You have SO many words, and every day name something I didn't realize you knew. You love to point out every detail in your books, carefully naming the animals, people, trees, houses, etc. You are expressing yourself more and more in 2 and sometimes 3 word sentences. One of my favorite things is when you've been with Papa and he helps you 'tell' me about your adventures. For example, he'll say that you went on a bike ride to the park and you'll look me in the eyes with an excited gleam and say "bike park!" Then he'll say you had eggs and juice, and you'll say "eggs! juice!" And on and on.

Potty time?

I've been letting you go diaper less a lot more lately, and it is rare that you have an accident! You will either tell me "pee pee" or "poo poo," or if it's been awhile I'll encourage you to sit on the potty. This past weekend while Papa was watching you he said that while he was in the kitchen he heard some rustling in the bathroom, and you had gone in, sat yourself down on your potty, and peed! A-mazing.

Favorite things?

*We now have 2 Ladybug Girl dolls, who we call "Big Lulu" and "Little Lulu." You love your Lulus!

When it is time to eat, we say "ni-night" to whatever dolls you are playing with- and you 'put them to bed' in your snack basket. Here are the Lulus resting during lunch.

*Your dollhouse. This is always where you lead me when you say "Mama play!" and enjoy making all your dollies slide down off the roof, wash their hands, and get "poo" in their hair in the pretend bath tub.

*Playing with your friend Lily!

*Playing outside. You love your water table, going for walks, and riding on Papa's bike. You are fascinated and curious about the local splash pads, but don't enjoy when the water actually hits you! You prefer to walk around the perimeter and observe. You also love to gather sticks and tell me if they are "big!" or "little!"- then hand them to me.

"Big!"

I adore your precious profile

Playing "ni-night" in your sandbox

Sand for dessert

*You love anything to do with the movie Frozen. You will actually sit through the ENTIRE MOVIE, and are known to walk around the house with your Frozen book, asking us to read it to you. I also got you a little set of Frozen dolls, and your favorites are Olaf (the snowman) and Sven (the reindeer). You call Sven "baby!"

Snuggles during the Frozen movie

The day your Frozen dolls arrived. Mind BLOWN!

Least favorite things?

*When Papa and I aren't ready to immediately come play with you! If one of us is in the kitchen you will say very firmly "Mama PLAY!" or "Dada, PLAY!" and point to your playroom while you start walking that way. If we aren't right behind you much fussing and complaining ensues.

*Falling down & bumping yourself. Now that summer is here, your legs are mostly bare… and you have what I affectionately call "summer legs"- both knees constantly skinned, and lots of swollen mosquito bites to boot. You call them "boo-boos" or "owies."

Showing me your boo-boos

Happy 19 months sweet girl- we love you so much!

Action

You can always tell when life gets busy on our end, because the time frame between my blog entries gets longer and longer. Lately we've been in a happy, productive WHIRL of action in all aspects of life! To include…

Professionally:

*My real estate work has remained busy- but not in an over-the-top stressed out fashion; more in a consistent, gentle, balanced way. I've been fortunate to be working with several sets of beloved past clients again, helping them move toward the next chapters in their lives. One of my favorite things about this job!

*BC's work has continued to be super busy since he took on a new position in January. This includes more travel, longer days, and often working nights & weekends.

Physically:

*I will be scheduling surgery in the next week to FINALLY (and hopefully permanently) cure my Mommy Thumb. It's been such a long journey! My hand doc gave me a prescription topical cream at my last appointment as a last ditch effort to alleviate my pain (to the tune of $75- ouch!) Alas, my stubborn thumb held its ground. So off to surgery I go.

*This morning I gave blood in preparation for a visit to Dr. Vaughn next week (I was very proud of myself to have had the foresight to use the $75 Mommy Thumb topical cream on both arm veins before giving blood- not sure if that did the trick, but the pain was super minimal! I think I'm on to something….) Those of you who've been following this blog for awhile might remember Dr. Vaughn as the fertility specialist I was seeing for the 2 years before I got pregnant with Iyla. Recently I've felt the nudge to visit him again, since I haven't had any monitoring or check-ups since having had Iyla. The fact is we've not been preventing since she was born and I've been tracking my cycles and timing things well since my cycle returned ONE YEAR AGO. So- it is time.

Personally:

*I've been on a clutter clearing rampage, and have been knocking out many projects that were figuratively and literally gathering dust. It feels SO good to get rid of things!

*I visited my 'deep cleaner' Daniela this morning (she was the psychic healer who initially cleared my energetic blocks, and who I very much credit in the journey to our sweet Iyla Grace!) Those visits are always so fascinating to me. In summary, she sees another pregnancy very soon, likely in the next 2-3 months (will be interesting to see if she is accurate!). She was getting boy energy but was then given the message that there was a daughter. I really think the next little soul coming doesn't care if it is a boy or girl, and if it is a girl (which is my instinct) she will be more of a nature loving rough and tumble tomboy (in contrast to our oh so careful girly girl Iyla). There was also the mention of twins given the equal feelings of boy and girl….and holy h*** would that give us a run for the money! I have often joked in my prayers that if there is more than one little one hoping to still join the family they will have to come together, as BC is very clear that after the next pregnancy he is DONE.

*Iyla G is talking SO much! The 2 word phrases are more the norm than the exception these days, her favorite expression being to "GET" her things. As in, "get kitty," "get dolly," "get snack." She is very demanding, that one.

Her vocabulary is way more expansive than I can keep up with, so I've been having fun recording just the verbs she knows and uses regularly. To include:

Count, peek, pee, poo, pet, slide, split, look, get, play, walk, touch, sit, read, go, up, out, off, kiss, hug, down, open, cut, help, kick, knock, run, swing, eat, dance, swim.

That's 31 verbs, and I am sure there are many more I am forgetting! This little lady is all action, just like her Mama.

In parting, a few recent shots of our sweet Iyla Grace keeping busy and enjoying the start of her summer. Happy June everyone!