Where Did My Flow Go?

And no, I am not talking about AF.

I had my 2nd IUI yesterday- with an additional 58 million little Lambies swimming toward their target (and those follicles had GROWN! Right side had 28, 22, & 19, left had a 15mm). When I remarked to Dr. V that BC's sample wasn't near as high as yesterday's, he said I should follow him around some day to see how many samples never even reach the minimum 10 million they like to see, and that 58 million was still a great number! Noted, Dr. V, noted.

None of my follicles had released as of the appointment yesterday, so Dr. V said if I was curious I could come back Saturday for a "release check" sonogram to see how many had launched. I had the sense it might be wise not to do this, in the event I didn't like the results, but I AM that girl who makes the nurses copy all of my IUI sheets & follicle pictures -intensely curious- so I wasn't about to pass up the opportunity.

Cramping started around noon yesterday. It isn't like the usual AF cramping, but more like strong muscle pulls that make it a bit hard to walk. I took that as a good sign that those follicles were starting The Great Release of 2012!

This morning I headed back to Dr. V's for my release scan. My normal route through town was blocked due to a parade, so I had to circle through a 15 block detour (no green light flow for me today). Dr. V did the sonogram, and when he was done he said it looked like one follicle had released an egg.

ONE?

I did not go through all these hormones & blood draws to have only ONE egg release. The whole point of injectables cycles are to increase your odds by having hopefully at least two, if not three eggs release. On the last injectables cycle where we got pregnant, it appeared that 3 eggs released. And hence my case study of Diminishing Marginal Returns continues. Blah.

Sitting there feeling a bit depleted, I asked Dr. V if there was any way to up the odds on subsequent cycles of more eggs being released? He said the only way was through IVF, where they had more control over how many fertilized and were then placed for hopeful implantation. And then he handed me an IVF informational booklet.

Awesome.

So basically what I deduced from this mornings events are that we have ONE egg that released (which, by the way, I do by myself every month). If this ONE egg does not get fertilized, the future plans get complicated. Seeing how my body didn't respond as well this injectables cycle, I can only predict it would respond even less well on another cycle. So that leaves us with IVF. And before even considering IVF, a surgery to remove Franny would likely be necessary.

Had I not done the "release check" this morning I would still be feeling so hopeful & optimistic for this cycle (should have listened to my intuition on that one). Now I just feel really sad. BC tried to cheer me up by saying we must have one SUPER egg! And that it only takes ONE to get pregnant! Very sweet of him (and true), but it still couldn't curtail the blue that has seeped in. I am remembering how excessively sensitive these hormones make me, and am just trying to be gentle on myself and allow these feelings to move through & be acknowledged. I trust I'll feel better tomorrow, but for now I'm going to lay low, as it seems evident today is not meant to be in flow.

And in an effort not to leave you Dear Readers on that down note, I bring you "Homebirth" by Ryan Gosling (thanks to Abby & Matthew for their original posts on this! Hilarious):

http://homebirthgosling.tumblr.com/