Things you may not know about me....

I was recently tagged by a fellow blogger to share 7 things people may not know about me. Thanks so much to Belle at Scrambled Eggs for the TMI award!

The rules go like this:

• Thank the person who passed the award on to you. 
• List 7 things that people may not know about you.
• Pass the award to 15 other bloggers and don’t forget to notify them as well. (I definitely don't have 15 other bloggers to pass to- I'm a newbie- but will tag who I can!) 

Here's my list:

1. I can cut off my entire pinkie toenail and not feel any pain. I think it is because I have freakishly wide feet, and those pinkies are like extra appendages stuck on as an afterthought. I would cut off my entire pinkie toe if I could, b/c it would open up a whole new world of cute slender heels and ballet dancing. *Sigh*

2. I am a Crazy Cat Lady. I always had cats growing up, and had 3 of my own in my adult life (actually had gotten a 4th kitten, but he sadly got FIV and passed early). My ex and I had 5 cats together, and I would have had 5 with Babycakes, but when we moved in together he decided to find new homes for his 2, lest we become a Crazy Cat Couple (a label I am totally comfortable with). I really really want one of Miss Priss' kittens, but BC mumbled something along the lines of 'over his dead body,' and hey, I need that body to make the babies. So there it is.

Mr. Otis, Zoey Dulcinea Lady Bird Johnson Lu Adams-Lambert (RIP), & Sam Johnson

3. I was raised in a somewhat unusual religion called Christian Science. People always mix it up with Scientology- which it is most definitely NOT. Most Christian Science families do not take medicine or go to doctors but rely on prayer for healings. I directly credit my upbringing in CS for much of my spiritual foundation, and also for the fact that I am now a total hypochondriac. I seriously love talking about medicine & injuries & surgeries. I take Advil for cramps and get antibiotics for fevers. Hey, I'm even using modern meds to try to make a baby! I fell off the Christian Science wagon the summer before my senior year of high school. I was away at CS summer camp and contracted a nasty flu bug. Lying there in agony, folks around me prayed to God for my healing. I prayed for drugs.

4. I am completely obsessed with the St. Nicholas Square Christmas Village. I first witnessed this magical sight at my mother-in-law's home 2 years ago and was smitten. For my birthday last year she sent me a few pieces to start my own village with. The JOY! Akin to what I felt when I got my first Cabbage Patch Kid in 4th grade. Total geek. I may or may not have picked up 5 new village buildings yesterday. It's becoming a problem.

                               Behold: the magic of the Christmas Village!


5.  I have what stylists call "Virgin Hair." Not a speck of hair dye/color in it. Both times I tried highlights I cried (one exception: in 8th grade I bleached my hair with sun-in and it turned orange. I thought I looked cool). I also have a groovy gray streak forming at my left temple. I figure I'll keep it there until it ravages and takes over the Virgin Hair- at that point, it may be time for a divine intervention.

                                               Sun-in + lasers = magic


6.  I have a freakish talent with the trumpet. I picked it up in 5th grade and quickly became first chair throughout middle and high school, without EVER practicing. I felt like a nerd the whole time- which is why I quit band in 12th grade to take Painting & Human Growth and Development classes (you know, where you get to carry around Cabbage Patch babies? Hmmm... maybe that is why I didn't score any college scholarships.....)

7.  Jobs I've held out of college (b/c there is SO much you can do with a Psych degree!) have included full time Nanny (one of my favs), 5th grade teacher, and now full time Realtor. Jobs I might still like to explore when I grow up: Relationship & Family Counseling and/or Photography.

8. My favorite number is 8. Yes, I know the rules said to list 7 things- but I figured this one was appropriate. 8 is infinity. It is my birthday number (Scorpio!). It is also the numerology of our current and previous home addresses, and represents prosperity. What's not to love?

And here are the folks I'd like to tag, all with excellent blogs definitely worth checking out!

Abby at Learning 2 Remember
Julie at Just Jules Everyday
Jen at Maybe If You Just Relax (one of the first infertility blogs I stalked)
Babycakes at Lambasted
Sara at Feeding the Soil
Beverly at A Baby? Maybe
Angie at Love is Spoken Here
Pufferfish at Puffer and the Baby Fishies
Belle at Scrambled Eggs (not sure tag-backs are allowed, but I'm struggling here!)

Fall Nesting

Two years ago this month, Babycakes and I were fortunate enough to purchase what we consider to be our dream home in East Austin.  Located just 1.5 miles from downtown and literally steps from the hike and bike trail (leading to the Colorado River- which is only a few blocks away!)- we feel lucky every single day we're here:

Being a Realtor definitely has its advantages. I had seen that this beautiful 2008 built 5-star green Craftsman style home had been sitting on the market for awhile, and brought BC kicking and screaming to see it (his response was 'WHY would he want to go see a house when we weren't looking to move and buy something?' I retorted 'for FUN!' And he bought it (pun intended)).

We immediately fell in love with the house, but thought it was a bit out of our budget.  We ended up meeting directly with the builder, who proved to be a kindred spirit (a fellow Ashtanga yogi!). We then went on about a 6 month tangent, deciding to design and build another house specifically for us (long story having to do with the fact that the builder would lose money selling the "dream house" to us, and we decided we'd be just as happy building something a bit smaller). 

As you know by now, I am a huge believer in things happening for a reason. The building process got shut down several months in (due to appraisal issues)- and the builder came back and re-offered us the home we had initially fallen in love with- to which we answered 'YES!' without hesitation (even BC!!). And from there things FLOWED amazingly smoothly, and we closed on our new home in November of 2009.  

                                 Even Sam and Mr. Otis love this house!

And nothing sings to my soul more than nesting in our beautiful home. We spent last weekend buying out shopping at World Market, finding many gorgeous furniture and light pieces to add to our home.

I am very passionate about Feng Shui, and am acutely aware of the Bagua Map's layout in our home. So much so that when we initially saw our current home, the first thing I exclaimed was that the Money/Prosperity corner was missing! And being the freak I am, it made me hesitate on wanting to move forward at all (the builder was already losing money on the house-- and upon realizing this I declared to BC 'It's already happening!') 

So immediately after moving into our home, the FIRST purchase we made was a water fountain to symbolically fill in the missing Money/Prosperity corner. A happy bonus surprise was seeing it double as a bird bath!

                                           Keeping the chi flowing

Our weekend treasures included this mosaic glass candle holder, which fit perfectly into an empty corner of our bedroom (the MONEY corner of the bedroom, no less- I fully expect a financial windfall in 2012! ; )  )

BC's favorite purchase was an array of white flowers, to supplement the willow lights we already had in this vase:

               Little did he know, this is the 'family' area of the Bagua- now in bloom!

I love this console table which fit perfectly against an empty living room wall:

I also went on a huge de-cluttering/cleaning binge yesterday. I organized my office closet (a HUGE task- it was so incredibly cluttered and unsightly, and also was the "Money" section of my office space. As I said- 2012 WINDFALL please!). I organized drawers, cabinets, & filled up a huge garbage bag with unneeded trash. It felt so good to be nurturing our home and clearing out the junk! 

I am definitely in nesting mode. We did have another IUI performed last Friday morning, so you never know! Maybe there is a reason I have been psychotically cleaning & organizing. 

I turn 36 tomorrow and would love nothing more for my birthday than getting some 'positive' news this cycle.  In the past year I have definitely learned to take life one day at a time,  better appreciating the 'now' and trusting that things unfold exactly how they should.  I'm ready to start another year of living & learning, and can't wait to see what my 36th year has in store (hint: babies please!)

Who me, inappropriate?

There is definitely the right time and place to bring up TTC. And I don't know what that is yet. Like tonight. Happy hour with my lovely Title company rep. Martinis arrive and my word vomit begins.

Rep: "So how are you? How has business been?"

"I'm feeling sad b/c I got my period"

"Oh....sorry?"

"Yeah, DH and I have been trying to have babies for awhile. We had our first intervention this month-- an IUI-- which obviously didn't work."


**Crickets**

Schooled by TTC

I figure if I’m going to start a blog, I should share a little history about our TTC (trying to conceive) journey.

First lesson learned: we are OLD in the TTC world (I am 35, hubby 40). Apparently my eggs started rotting when I turned 35, and now getting pregnant becomes more and more like climbing Mt Everest. And I'm not a mountain kinda girl.

2nd lesson:  TTC is a whole new world.  The acronyms! - (found & learned from stalking skimming fertility forums). A cheat-sheet to some commonly used terms that are now part of my vernacular:

AF: Aunt Flo, aka,  time of the month, period
DH: dear husband (or 'babycakes' --'BC'-- if the mood strikes)
CM: cervical mucus
BD: baby dance (aka sex)
CD: cycle day
BFN: big fat negative (as in pregnancy test)
BFP: big fat positive (do these really exist?)
IUI: Intrauterine Insemination
IVF: In Vitro Fertilization
2WW: two week wait (after ovulation- to see if you are preggers or not)
DPO: days past ovulation
OPK: ovulation predictor kit
SA: Semen analysis
BBT: Basal body temperature

What I have tried:

*Acupuncture
   ---over a years’ worth, 2 different practitioners. Allegedly my Liver & Kidney are jerks & need more chi
*Charting my BBT
   ---started this 6 months before we even began TTC- b/c obviously! We’d get pregnant right away! Abruptly stopped charting after 2nd month not getting knocked up- threw charts away in a crying rage, declaring that charting + my Type A personality were NOT meant to be.
*Monitoring CM & using OPKs
   ---I got really good at this- had everything down to a science. 3 days after fertile CM I would ovulate, and 14 days later AF would systematically show her ugly face
*Talking to psychics
   ---who have assured me there is a little girl waiting to come to us. Apparently she is in no rush. Awesome.
*Eating a Mediterranean diet. Eating high fat dairy. Cutting out dairy. Cutting out coffee. Drinking green tea. Eating green vegetables. You get the idea.
*Vitamins & supplements, to include Goji Juice, Evening Primrose Oil, Vitamin B, Pre-natal vitamins, magnesium, fish oil pills, flax seed pills, zinc
*Not trying. Going on vacation!
*Committing and TOTALLY trying again
*Myofasial work
*Chiropractic work
*Massages
*Energy work
*2 rounds Clomid,1 Femera
*Clomid + IUI (one try)
*Meditating
*Painting the future baby’s room
*Elevating my hips & staying there for an hour after BD
*Wearing fertility charms
*Using sperm friendly lube
*Taking Mucinex to increase fertile CM
*Going to a fertility specialist.....to be told our chance of conceiving's uplifting odds are 1-3%/month naturally. Woot!

Tests I/we have done:

*CD 3 & CD 20 blood tests (all normal)
*HSG (Hysterosalpingogram- a test where they shoot dye into your uterus to see if your tubes are open.) Which, b/c I have NO pain tolerance whatsoever and am a total wimp, I prepped for with a xanax AND half a vicodin. Don’t judge. Tubes were open, uterus a bit narrow, but overall I'm good to go.
*Countless monthly sonograms to monitor follicle growth & check for cysts. I feel like our fertility doc is getting more action than my husband these days. Sorry Babycakes.
*DH had SA, which showed extremely high counts, but lower motility. We joke that his swimmers are drunk. B/c of the high numbers, it isn’t too big of a concern. We also know his troops “work” based on a donation he did that resulted in an amazing baby boy.

The one doozy I haven’t yet done is the laparoscopy, where they cut you open make 3  incisions into your abdomen to “look around” for endometriosis, fibroids, scarring, etc. This is a little like the old Chicken and the Egg- do we keep paying for interventions when there might be undiagnosed endometriosis? Or do we pay $2000 for the laparoscopy, knowing that they might not find ANYTHING?

(Unsolicited) Advice I have gotten:

*Relax
*Stop “trying” and it will happen (a personal fav)
*Why don’t you adopt?
*Life’s hard
*Do this chant to connect with your unborn child
*Meditate
*Exercise more
*Drink/eat/take “” (insert endless string of items here)
*Trust that it WILL happen (often said by folks who got pregnant on the first try or have never TTC)

Every month is a new game. Sometimes I feel hopeful, other times utterly hopeless.

Roll out the red carpet- AF is on her way!

More spotting & cramping. AF is most definitely on her way. Took a pregnancy test in the morning just for punishment good measure. BFN. Sat for 2 ½ hours waiting for the car shop to troubleshoot yesterday’s car alert lights.

Today’s attitude? Screw babies. Maybe I am not evolutionarily meant to have them. If things happen for a reason, then isn’t this NOT getting pregnant after almost TWO years of trying reason to believe I shouldn’t have babies? 

Told hubby over dinner that maybe we should just take time off. Plan another trip to Europe. Drink and be merry. Admittedly this attitude might change tomorrow, but that is how I feel today. Pissed. Defeated. And very, very sad. Because at the end of the day, I want a baby more than anything in this world.

22 months- but who's counting?

Today I am pissed.
Pissed that we’ve been trying to have a baby for 22 months now.
Pissed that I started spotting which means that the $600 fancy schmancy “let’s hope THIS does it!” intra-uterine insemination procedure didn’t work.
Pissed b/c the hormones in the clomid I’ve been taking for months are making me nuts.
Pissed b/c on my way to visit a friend who'd just had a baby (AND got pregnant on the first try.  Like everyone else around me) I stopped by a baby clothing store to get a gift. The sales clerk, as she is 15 minutes into carefully wrapping the presents, says to me:
“Do you have children?.”
      (Oh no- here we go)
“No."
     (Is it just me or is it suddenly 200 degrees in here? Damn clomid)
“You really should. I highly recommend it. My mom always told me not to have babies, but I did, and it is amazing…..”
I bit my lip, willing myself not to lose my s***. What I wanted to say was:
“Lady- I WANT babies. In fact, I’ve been trying to have babies for 2 years now, with no luck. Apparently, it is NOT that easy to do. Why don't you shove that pink bow where the sun doesn't shine? And are you F'in done wrapping that present yet??” 

Then, not 5 minutes after I left, 3 new car alert lights flick on. Awesome. I had just gotten my oil changed/tires rotated this morning, so now what?

Let's visit a baby.