Cloud Atlas + Pregnancy = Sobfest

Babycakes and I went to the movies last night, deciding to see the new film "Cloud Atlas" based on exceptional reviews. We didn't have much of an idea what the movie was about before going, but knew it was a 3 hour saga spanning over 6 different time periods (hence I made SURE we had aisle seats for easy pregnant bladder access!)

All I can say is....Wow. This movie goes into a small handful of films that totally moved me to the point of starting to cry part way through the film, and continuing to sob silently for the remainder of the story. When the theatre lights came up at the end, I was a total embarrassed, blubbery mess and couldn't stop crying. The other movies that have done that to me in the past few years were Avatar and Tree of Life (you may remember my post on that movie here). These movies all share a similar mood & theme-- about the interconnectedness of all things in life- examining the raw reality & beauty of the human spirit. Apparently that shizzy really gets to me.

In other news, BC and I had a super productive day yesterday! We voted early:

I sterilized all of our bottles & pacifiers (and unfortunately boiled to death a few gummy teethers- apparently you aren't supposed to sterilize those. First time mom FAIL):

BC assembled the Pack n Play (this definitely gave him a run for the money- there were a lot of curse words being mumbled as this puppy was coming together):

He put the Bob stroller & car seat adapter together:

And installed car seat bases & mirrors in both of our cars:

I also got offers on both of my new listings! I think the Universe noted my Freak Out post and decided to help take action, and I am oh so grateful. I am feeling SO much better about our state of preparedness for this little one, which definitely helps my freak factor fade. I talked to a dear friend yesterday who reminded me that her first daughter came at 37 weeks on the dot- so I am definitely glad we got so much taken care of! I honestly feel if our baby were to come tomorrow we'd be (mostly) ready. Having said that I hope she stays put a little while longer, but I am getting more and more excited about meeting her and starting that new phase in our lives.

And that feels good. : )

Nursery Progress and 36 Week Updates

I dare say our nursery is just about finished! The bedding is washed, drawers are organized, closet stocked with newborn and 0-3 clothes.... we are definitely getting there and making some good progress. The items remaining to do in baby prep land:

*Create a diaper station & stock it (possibly 3 stations- one in the nursery, one in our bedroom, and one on the 1st floor). This will include organizing the cloth diaper stash & familiarizing ourselves with how to use them.

*Figure out what the little one will be sleeping on in our bedroom (Pack n Play? Rock n Play? A yet to be purchased co-sleeper?)

*Assemble the Pack n Play and Bob Stroller/car seat adapter

  TO BE DONE THIS WEEKEND

*Install car seat bases, mirrors, & baby shades in both cars

   TO BE DONE THIS WEEKEND

*Get familiar with the breast pump- sterilize all the parts

*Set up the baby monitor

*Continue to cook & freeze meals & stock the fridge/pantry (in the freezer so far I have 5 single servings of Butternut Lentil Soup, 5 servings of veggie chili, pork chops, salmon, tilapia, & catfish).

*Stock up household necessities (toilet paper, kleenex, paper towels, toothpaste, lotion, hand soap, etc)

  CHECK! DONE YESTERDAY

Here are some recent shots of the nursery. I got the cute Etsy mobile! Currently working my bird branch in as a sort of decorative piece for now:

I bought two floating wood shelves I am hoping will work behind the glider- hopefully BC can hang those today

Here are my 36 week updates:

How far along? 36 weeks today- I am officially considered 9 months pregnant!

How big is baby? Looking forward to our growth scan next week to know for sure, but the apps say she should be in the 5.5- 6 pound range by now, about 18-19 inches long- the size of a large cantaloupe. Her main job continues to be packing on the baby rolls!

Weight gain? Not much this week, up another 1/2 pound for a total of 24 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight.

 36 week belly- cold front addition! Yesterday Austin had a lovely cold front blow through, dropping temps down from the 90's into the mid 50's. I was pleased to find ONE sweater that was long enough to cover my belly. When we headed out to meet friends for a birthday celebration last night, there was a lot of oo-ing and ah-ing about how my belly 'had popped' in the last week (I had just seen these friends at the wedding celebration last weekend). I think the horizontal stripes probably added to that effect, but there is definitely no denying the bump- this little baby is growing!

And a regular clothed 36 week belly shot for comparison. It does look smaller sans stripes

Sleep? Crappy again this week. Waking a lot in the night and unable to fall back asleep. Not much new there. I actually did get a good nights' sleep last night, which hopefully will allow me to be super productive today.

Cravings/Aversions? Last night after dinner I was again craving ice cream. When we got home I broke out a box of cereal, thinking that might curb my sweet tooth in a healthier way. I stared at the cereal box for a full minute before returning it to the pantry and breaking out the Ben and Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream. *Heaven*

Symptoms? Still struggling with constipation (worse this week likely due to the batch of cookies I made and largely consumed!) Also just feeling really slow & physically tired over all.

Most looking forward to? Hitting the official "full term" point at 37 weeks next week! We are also super excited for our growth ultrasound on Halloween, when we'll get our last official look at the baby (and Franny). 

The Four Week Freakout

I have a pattern in life that goes like this:

1. Start a big new adventure. So excited! Pumped! Let's do this! Convince BC to go along for the ride, despite his initial reservations. In the past this has included purchasing homes, going on vacations, and of late- having a baby (though admittedly BC was always on board with this).

2. Completely go into panic mode as said adventure nears. As home closings or vacations approach, I go to my fear place- terrified of the big changes to come, wondering what I've gotten us into- wanting to cling to the old and familiar. And BC- in his calm, collected manner- always helps carry us through to the finish line.

SIDE NOTE: When I was working with my psychic astrologer friend Dianne on looking into possible birth dates for our little one, she ran BC's and my birth charts as well. My primary sun sign (Scorpio), and my rising sign (Taurus) are FIXED SIGNS, while my moon sign (Capricorn) is CARDINAL. No flexible, 'mutable' signs here! I can't say I was surprised. Dianne said this tends to manifest in individuals being very reluctant to change- wanting everything to be in order, dependable, predictable. Um, yes- me to a "T!" Did I mention I was 2 weeks late for my own due date and they had to pull me out with forceps? It appears even in utero I was so comfy and secure I didn't want to rock the boat. But I digress....

So here we are, now less than 4 weeks to having a baby I've wanted my entire life. A baby we tried for 3 years to conceive. A baby I have been so excited about this entire pregnancy.

And I am FREAKING OUT.

*Cue music break*: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4KUL9-eNXzQ
My freak? Not so chic...

I don't know how to explain this feeling other than it feels like I am inching towards the edge of a cliff and about to jump off. I feel like there is a line in the sand- a BEFORE THE BABY and an AFTER THE BABY, and b/c the latter is one I've never experienced- unpredictable- it is bringing out my freak flag big time.

I feel like there isn't enough time to do everything I need to do.... freeze meals, change my car oil, prep all the cloth diapers (what was I thinking there? Did you know you have to wash new cloth diapers 3-5x to prep them, and separate out organic from synthetic, cotton from hemp, etc? Good God!), sterilize all the new pacifiers, figure out how to use a breast pump, set up the baby monitor, assemble baby furniture, connect with BC, etc.

The current state of my home office. 

At least Sam seems to be enjoying it...

I am also freaked out about my business. In typical 'fixed' fashion, I am an all or nothing, black or white kinda girl... so in my mind I either have to be a stay at home mom forever or find full time care for our little one and keep working at a crazy pace. I've been trying really hard to realize there can be a more gentle, middle, GRAY area - where I can "manage" my own business, taking on select clients who I have a history with and who already know & trust me, while possibly referring out new business on a case by case basis. This would allow me to still primarily be home with our babe, but also keep my toes in the Real Estate world. It is going to be really hard for me, come BIRTH DAY, to actually leave an out of office message that spans over a month (right now my plan is to be MIA on maternity leave from Thanksgiving through the New Year, then begin "managing" my business from there). It's strange knowing that the new business I am taking on now I won't be here to personally close and see through to completion. Giving up control of things like this doesn't come easily.

And finances? That's another area to easily freak out about. I had a nice "Baby Fund" saved up to soften the first few months after our little one arrives, but due to our studio renovations costing a bit more than anticipated, we've had to dip into said Baby Fund. Right now any business that comes my way will close post-baby, meaning I will be having colleagues help handle that business and thus be paying them for that help. And baby supplies are EXPENSIVE! Between the nursery furniture, stroller, car seat, swing, cloth diapers (what was I THINKING?), etc. we have already dropped a small fortune.

So there you have it. My less-than-four-weeks-to-go FREAK OUT has begun. In typical fashion BC is as cool as a cucumber, getting more and more excited to meet our new daughter. Until her Birth Day comes I will be consuming myself with business and an endless 'to-do' list- having to just trust that I will be OK. Historically speaking, once we are in a new home or have arrived at our vacation destination, it is always better than I could have ever imagined. And I hear the same is true with having a baby. It's not a feeling or experience you can ever fully anticipate until you get there.

But I still can't help feeling like I am about to fall off the edge of a cliff, into a great unknown abyss....

The Reluctant Yogi, Take Two

Some of you might remember this post from last June, when I attended my first prenatal yoga class. I lamented about how easy the class was, how I didn't feel like I got a workout, etc.  Lots of Ashtangi Ego in that one.

Well, the joke's on me now!

I have been going to prenatal classes on and off since then, having found a teacher I actually really like. However, I've lapsed in attendance lately, due both to work scheduling and the overall fatigue of my body.

So today I attended my first class in about 3 weeks. And every single pose felt incredibly difficult to this 35 1/2 week pregnant body. My belly seemed to constantly be in the way, and I was huffing and puffing ridiculously. I struggled through the entire class- even the gentle hip sways felt like a bit much. I know I am a bit out of shape (I *might* have gotten winded walking one block up a gentle incline yesterday), but I also think I have just entered the realm of being legitimately "large"- where my belly is out of proportion with my frame. I feel like I am lumbering about when I walk, and that my hips are constantly compromised.

Case in point: the past several days I have worked on assembling a few pieces of baby furniture, which saw me sitting on the wood floor for maybe a 20 minute stretch at a time, tops. Upon standing post-assembly, my body was OFF and tweaked for the rest of the day. Yup- good times!

I find the change in my yoga perspective ironic. I am no longer the tough Ashtangi I once was- now I seem to be more of a wobbly, waddling noodle growing larger by the day. This whole becoming a parent thing is already teaching me a lot about humility, and that I am definitely no longer the one calling the shots!

35 Week Updates

Our little one has been doing quite the party rounds this week! One of my dearest friends is having her wedding celebration this weekend, and we have definitely been whooping it up. Thursday night it was a Michael Jackson sing-a-long welcome dinner at our local Alamo Drafthouse Theater, where BC even wore an Afro wig (I so wish I'd gotten pictures of that!) Our little lady was going crazy in my belly almost the entire time- I think she's got some serious mojo going on in there.

Last night was the wedding reception. I wasn't sure if I'd be up for dancing, but I couldn't resist the music and the joyous energy of the evening- so I got my dance on for a good hour or so! In my wedge heels, no less. I had to pause a few times for muscle pulls here and there, but overall I had a blast. It is probably the most exercise I've gotten in weeks! My body was definitely a little mad when I got home last night, and I passed out hard for a good nights' sleep (though I still woke up at 6am. Dammit!)

I totally stole this picture off Facebook- taken by Cory Ryan at last night's reception. I have been SO bad about taking pictures lately! I am the lumbering lady getting down in the bottom right hand corner. Good gracious- I sure hope I didn't embarrass myself last night! I love how my friend Mike- just to the left of me- appears to be giving me the stink eye.

There were so many friends at the gathering that I haven't seen in a long time- it felt like a reunion of sorts. The most popular questions of the evening went like this:

*How are you feeling?
*How much longer?
*Do you have a name?
*Are you ready?

BC and I also observed that almost everyone had advice for us, whether they were parents or not. And the advice and sweet sentimentality got more and more entertaining as the night went on and the cocktails flowed! Overall it was an amazing reception- absolutely perfect weather, and we felt so surrounded by love & community.

Another stolen FB picture. How gorgeous is this couple? I hope they get working on some friends for Baby Lambert soon.

On to my 35 week updates!

How far along? 35 weeks today. I learned the term "35/35" on my November Mamas board- 35 weeks pregnant, 35 days to go. Though technically with our scheduled c-section I am 35/31. One of the resounding 'themes' last night was that of people telling me stories about babies coming two weeks early.... cue me to putting together a lengthy "honey-do" list for BC and I this weekend, as I want to get our baby prep seriously under way!

How big is baby? The size of a large cantaloupe, apparently. She has almost maxed out in height, but will continue to gain weight in these final weeks. The apps estimate babies of this age to be around 5- 5.5 pounds on average. We have another growth scan on October 31st, and it will be interesting to see where our little one falls. I feel her moving ALL the time now, likely b/c there isn't a lot of room left to buffer the movements. She's a busy girl in there!

Weight gain? The scale read 131.4 this morning- so up about 2 pounds from last week, for a total weight gain of 23.4 lbs. Happy for this little one to be packing on all she can (well, I HOPE it is the little one packing on the pounds, and not just additional padding on my rear. Which is entirely possible).

35 week belly

Cravings/Aversions? I'm able to stomach red meat again this week- not craving a lot of it, but not repulsed by it. Also headed out for ice cream a few times- chocolate with hot fudge on top. Yum!

Sleep? Falling asleep fine and waking about 3-4 times to use the bathroom in the night. I still cannot for the life of me get back to sleep after the final wake, which is usually in the window of 5:30-6:30am. I force myself to stay laying in bed, hoping for another round of sleep to take, but alas, I usually resolve myself to getting up by 6:30.

Symptoms? Overall I am still doing really well. I'm a bit sleepy due to the early wakefulness, and my hips & lower back are getting tight and sore daily. I am definitely moving slower these days, but it's nothing I can't handle.

Most looking forward to? Finishing up preparations for the baby. These include assembling equipment, hanging things in her nursery, washing the rest of the clothes/blankets, and prepping the cloth diaper stash. I'm also looking forward to our doctor's appointment this Thursday, when BC will finally meet the Nurture OBGYN team.

And WOW...just realized when I looked at the date that one month from today we are having a baby! Eek!

34 Week Updates From Our Studio Apartment

Babycakes and I spent all day last Wednesday moving into the studio apartment above our garage, while simultaneously prepping our house for the arrival of our Austin City Limits guests. While BC installed things like towel racks & clothes rods I did a huge Target run toward stocking up our new temporary home. I felt like I was prepping to go to college again! The things you need to think about to get by in a small space.... things like dish soap, a dish drying rack, lamps & light bulbs, TP, a bath mat, a toaster, a coffee maker, a microwave, etc etc. With the small fortune spent I feel like I am now a Target small business investor. BC and I agreed that all the money we were making with this 5 day rental would go right back into furnishing the studio, and we have definitely already maxed out our budget.

I realized that being 8 1/2 months pregnant and on my feet cleaning & running errands ALL DAY LONG will take its toll. By around 3pm Wednesday I could hardly walk- my hips were so insanely tight and sore. My body hurt more and more as the night went on, and I was literally hobbling around as final errands were being run. Having to sleep on our new pull out sofa bed did not help matters much. That mattress is pretty thin and firm, and also seems to slant down toward BC's weight when we are both in bed together. I was so exhausted but could hardly sleep. Add to that the fact that our cat Sam was shacking up with us and meowing at me most of the night and you have one grouchy, groggy pregnant lady.

Things have been getting better since then- I am sleeping a little more each night, and have figured out ways to use furniture pieces to block Sam from jumping up on the bed. We also are slowly but surely finding pieces to furnish this space with.

 BC putting together nightstands. Note the lack of flooring- this has definitely made things interesting in that there is a fine layer of white construction dust covering the entire floor area. We have white Sam footprints on everything, and I had to pick up some house slippers at Target to keep on at all times while home.

Studio bathroom

We loved these light fixtures! Going glam in the garage

This is a huge closet/storage space that currently houses a clothes rack & Sam's kitty supplies

The pub table & chairs I found yesterday (and made short work of piling things on top of)

Progress!

Studio kitchen and Sam photo bomb

On to my 34 week updates:

How far along? 34 weeks today

How big is baby? The size of a butternut squash- she should be around 4-5 pounds now. The 34 week marker is an important one in a baby's development, as her lungs have finally gotten to a point of maturity where IF I were to go into early labor I wouldn't need steroids to help strengthen them- there is a good chance she would be able to breathe well on her own. This is the time in her gestation where the goal for her is just to pack on the pounds & baby wrinkles!

Weight gain? I have no idea, since we didn't bring the scale up to the studio with us! I'll do a weight check on Monday when we move back into our house.

UPDATE: Back home now, and weighed myself this morning at 34w3d. Up 21.8 lbs- so I would *guess* at the 34 week point I had about a pound gain over last week, for a total of 21 pounds.

34 week belly shot from the new full length mirror BC installed 

Cravings/Aversions? Nothing too notable this week. I did have a night when I wanted some steak- it's been awhile since I felt that way. Also still digging desserts.

Sleep? Not great. Pre-studio I was having regular schizophrenic brain episodes, despite my magic sleep elixir. Now in the studio I am dealing with a much less comfy bed & a needy cat. I am hopeful that once we move back into our house our regular bed will feel SO amazingly luxurious that my sleep problems will be history! That would be awesome.

Symptoms? 

*At the beginning of this week I had several days of miraculous regularity. However we've now swung back to the other extreme while here in the studio.... I am likely not drinking enough water & my body is overall a bit more taxed with the new environment.

*I noticed a suspicious white circle inside my black bra around the nipple area.... and low and behold, there is really only one thing that could be.... I think my ladies are getting prepped toward breastfeeding! That one dry spot is the only evidence I have so far, but I found it fascinating.

*The backs of my hips are still getting pretty sore daily, as well as my lower back (probably due to the pull out bed). I am trying to get a lot of good yoga stretching in.

*I am feeling the baby move a LOT this week! I think it is likely due to there being less room and less fluid to buffer her movements. I actually love being able to feel her so clearly and so often. She is also still getting the hiccups many times a day.

Most looking forward to? That's an easy one- moving back into our house! We are so grateful to be able to have this studio space to come to when we rent out our main house, but man, will it be awesome to be officially home again. We already have our house booked for 9 nights in March for Austin's SXSW Music Festival! Being able to rent our home out truly is a great source of side income that we hope to use to cover our yearly taxes and insurance (property taxes here in Austin are insanely high). We are also in the midst of re-financing our home at an incredible 3.6% rate- which will save us more than $500/month in payments! That will be super helpful when baby comes.

In other news? We've set the date for our c-section! We will have one more ultrasound on October 31st just to make SURE no Franny miracles have happened- otherwise it is full steam ahead, and our little one will be making her debut before Thanksgiving. That is just a little over FIVE WEEKS AWAY! I can't believe we are already that close to meeting her. 

Magic Sleep Elixir, Extreme Nesting, & 33 Week Updates

I had some seriously extreme nesting going on yesterday. Perhaps it was due to the first good nights' sleep I've had in weeks- it's amazing the magic that feeling rested can bring! I felt like I could conquer the world, and I have this little bottle to thank for it:

My pre-natal yoga teacher had mentioned this "Sleepy Nights for Pregnancy" at class last week, and Thursday I finally made the trip to Whole Foods to grab some. I took 2 dropper fulls before bed, 2 when I woke in the middle of the night, and another when I woke toward the morning. I ended up getting about 9.5 glorious hours of sleep- finally rising at 7:30am, which is the latest I've slept in as long as I can remember! This morning I still woke at 6am and couldn't get back to sleep, but at least I didn't have an hour of middle-of-the-night-schizo brain on top of that.

There's nothing like knowing paying guests will be staying at your house for 5 nights to kick the nesting into full gear. This coming Wednesday we have 2 couples arriving to rent our house for the Austin City Limits Music Festival, and there is much to be done. I completely cleaned out, scrubbed down, & organized our kitchen pantry, and did a similar deep cleaning of our bedroom closet.

One half of our master closet- I love this space. How cool is it to have a window in your closet?

I also made great headway in organizing the baby shower loot in our nursery. I have almost all bedding, blankets, & clothes washed & put away- the main things left to do are to hang art on the walls, organize a diaper station, & unpack/assemble the big baby gear.

 We have a changing pad! And I am still playing with that tree branch- the latest idea is to maybe put a storage piece of furniture where it now sits (storage basket drawers?) and have the branch on top of that in a weighted vase.

We also finally settled on the light for above the glider! A Mexican star light. Well, we actually removed the light feature due to the ugliness of an extension cord down the wall- but still love the look of this there. That bird painting to the right will get hung next to the window, and behind the rocker I'd like to either have a mirror or a couple of floating shelves.

I am also still debating on whether or not to get some kind of mobile above the crib. Here is the current view:

And here is what I am thinking of purchasing to hang from the ceiling between those two windows:

Link to mobile on Etsy here.

What do you all think? It could be whimsical/beautiful, or it could look like too much. The challenge with my just ordering it to see is that these are custom made and can't be returned.

I am 33 weeks pregnant today- here are the official updates!

How far along? 33 weeks

How big is baby? The size of a Honeydew melon. The apps say she should be in the 4 pound range now. The growth ultrasound we had a little over a week ago officially clocked her in at 3lbs, 6 ounces, so it is likely she is around 4+ pounds now.

Weight gain? I hit the 20 pound mark this morning! 20.4 pounds to be exact, so almost a 1 pound gain from last week. I am just now starting to get comments along the lines of "it looks like you are going to pop!" and "you're in the final stretch now!" I've apparently grown out of the "you're so small" phase, which is just fine by me. I am enjoying watching my belly grow!

 A belly shot from right before date night with BC Wednesday 

And the standard woobie belly fare (a little blurry, but that's how I'm feeling this morning)

Cravings/Aversions? I've noticed that I am NOT wanting salads or leafy greens lately. Now if we go out to eat I do still order a small salad or at least make sure I eat veggies, but at home it is the last thing I want to have. Very strange. I have been loving cereal as a late night snack (those mini cereal variety packs are awesome!) and am eating a Honey Crisp apple every afternoon.

Sleep? See above. I am hoping my new magic elixir buys me some good rest up until the baby comes!

Symptoms? I am having a lot of aching/stretching in the area between my lower back & glute muscles- I guess that is the outer/back area of my hips? If I am up and about a lot this area gets VERY sore, as it did with the extreme nesting yesterday. It helps to stop and do pigeon pose or a deep front lunge to get those muscles to stretch out.

The baby has been getting the hiccups many, many times during the day! It is a good way, in addition to her regular movements, to know all is well in there.

Most looking forward to? Purchasing the rest of the baby loot we need and starting to get things assembled. Now that the shower has come and gone I know exactly what is left that we need. Our car seat, an extra base, and the baby swing are sitting in boxes in front of me now (I was SO geeked out when that car seat was delivered last night!). And after our ACL guests leave I will order up our stroller and a plethora of other smaller items we need (to include things like pacifiers, newborn size cloth diapers, a baby bathtub/robe/washcloths, bedding items, etc). 

Our official ticker reads there are 49 days left until baby- even less if we do indeed schedule her in week 39 for a c-section! Lots to do, but I am having a lot of fun getting everything organized & prepared. : )

In Which We Choose Our Baby's Birthday

Remember that growth ultrasound I had last week?

First of all- BC and I somehow 'misheard' the stats. We were sure the ultrasound doc had said our little lady was measuring in the 8th percentile.

On Monday my regular doc- Dr. Campaigne from Nurture OBGYN- called me to discuss the ultrasound. She told us that the overall measurements were in the 17th percentile! Still a little lady, but not quite AS small. Her head was actually in the 40th percentile (curse of the BC head!), and everything together came out at 17%. These measurements were all based on the November 24th due date- which is calculated by my LMP (last menstrual period- they 'assume' you ovulate 14 days after the LMP). However, based on our known conception date my due date would be November 29th (as I know exactly when I ovulated- it is usually cycle day 20 or 21), meaning her percents would be even higher for babies at her age.

All great news!

Then it was time to talk about Franny (my fibroid).

At the ultrasound, the u/s doc had indicated Franny had NOT moved out of the way of the birth canal at all, and that he thought it was highly likely we'd need a c-section. He did say he's seen "miracles happen,' but he wasn't very hopeful.

Which brings us back to my talk with Dr. Campaigne. A little background here about Nurture OBGYN: this is a small boutique practice with one holistic OB and one midwife who are VERY much into natural childbirth and seeing pregnancy as a normal healthy event. They boast & celebrate a low 10% c-section rate, and also have very low stats with other interventions like pitocin.

So when I spoke with Dr. Campaigne earlier this week and she told me that based on what the ultrasound doc's notes recommended and what she saw in the report that she thought a planned c-section was the path we needed to go, I didn't question it. Of any doctor who would come to this conclusion, I fully trusted her that this was the only option given our situation.

Was I disappointed? Of course. But I am also someone that doesn't look back- when a decision needs to be made and I commit to something it is full speed ahead. My questions to her went like this:

Knowing that our due date is November 24th, when would you schedule me for a c-section?
-We like to do them in the 39th week, so probably around November 19th or 20th

What are your thoughts on letting me go into labor naturally- THEN doing the c-section?
-Honestly, we feel like that puts a lot of undue stress on yours and the baby's body, so don't recommend it

I know you take pride in your surgery skills- what will the incision be like?
-I don't want to brag, but yes! Aesthetics are VERY important to me and I do take great pride in making sure it is as small of an incision as possible that heals well

So then I was left that afternoon ruminating on all of this and waiting to share the news with BC. When I told him, I could tell he was a bit disappointed, but mostly he had a few questions of his own. He had been under the impression from the ultrasound doc that they would continue to monitor my fibroid before making a final call, and wanted to know why the call was being made now? (Granted somehow we must have misheard a lot of things at that ultrasound appointment, including our little ones' measurements!). I promised BC I would ask that question of Dr. Campaigne when I met with her next week, but that I did trust her judgement very much- so felt like this was the way it was going to be.

Part of my 'coping' with this big news was to come up with a list of PROS for a planned c-section, to include:

1. My lady parts would be completely preserved- no tearing, no bladder problems, no healing needed.

2. We could better plan ahead with our work schedules & family visits (unless of course the little one throws everyone for a loop and comes early!)

3. We don't have to attend any more birth classes (I already cancelled our "Yoga for Birth" workshop and we likely won't attend any more hypno-birthing classes).

4. This child will definitely be a Scorpio now, just like me (God help BC!) Not sure if that is a definite "pro," but I like it. : )

5. I won't have to feel any pains of labor.

6. Our baby will have a 'gentler' entrance into the world- no squishing & squeezing through the birth canal, so no funny head shapes or bruising.

The CONS?

1. The magic of going into labor and wondering when our little one's birthday will be has been taken away. I have been wrestling with bouts of grief surrounding this, feeling like part of my womanhood has been somehow stripped away. I will not experience labor, I will not experience giving birth the way it was meant to be done... my body won't automatically be releasing the right laboring or birth hormones.

2. Having a major surgery and dealing with the recovery. I will now be much more compromised physically following her birth, and have to be on pain meds as the incisions heal.

3. My body may take longer to 'kick in' the right hormones to help out with breastfeeding, given the surgery & meds I will be on.

4. No birth classes. It was a 'pro' in lightening up our schedule, but I was really looking forward to sharing in those with BC.

5. As much as it is a 'pro' that the baby will have a gentler entrance into the world, it will be gentle and a bit shocking, in that we won't be able to have a dimly lit, quiet, tranquil space for her to enter. She will emerge into bright overhead lights and doctors with masks on.

6. No immediate skin to skin contact with our little one. I asked if there was ANY way this could still happen- and b/c the surgery room is kept freezing cold, it is most important to bundle baby right away to keep her warm. She will be given to me to see/hold for a short time before going to the nursery- and I will want BC to accompany her there so she has someone familiar with her while they put me back together. My doctor says we should all be reunited pretty quickly- within an hour- so hopefully that time will go by quickly.

7. Being responsible for choosing her birthday! This was one of the main sticking points I hoped I wouldn't have to face. And if you know anything about me by reading this blog, it will come as NO surprise that a couple of the first calls I made after getting the news of the c-section were to my psychic friend Cristy and to my friend Dianne who does astrological charts. I figured if the doctor was aiming for November 19th or 20th, then the 15th and 16th (of the week before) would probably be fair game too (weekend dates are unfortunately out- I like the look of November 18th, but given it is a Sunday it would be a no-go).

I have had the 15th in my head for awhile with this little one, as has my mom. BC said he liked the way the 20th looked. When Dianne ran the astrology around all those dates, she highly recommended focusing on the 18th-20th (morning of the 20th only). Cristy seems to think this little one will come sooner and choose for herself, possibly starting her journey with the November 13th new moon.

So basically we will be choosing an "on or before" date for our little one. One thing for sure? She'll definitely be here by Thanksgiving! Holy sheet. I meet again with the Nurture ladies on Monday, and hope to talk further about dates then.

I've also spoken a few times with our fabulous doula- wondering if we would still need her services. Ultimately we've decided to do a 'revised' doula package where she has one prenatal appointment with us to help prepare us on what to expect with a planned c-section, and then I will still have her there supporting me on the actual day with all the before, during, & after events of surgery. She can be there in the operating room with me when BC goes to the nursery with the baby, and can also help me get started with breastfeeding. And she writes a personal birth story, which I love! What ultimately convinced me was reading another 'planned c-section' birth story on her blog. I won't be passing up her offering me foot & head massages throughout our birth day!

There are still a lot of emotions to deal with surrounding this recent turn of events. This definitely isn't the way I'd hoped things would go down, but it is our new reality. I am feeling waves of sorrow every time my hips ache or the Braxton Hicks come on... my body is preparing to birth naturally, and I feel like in a way I am cheating it. Ultimately, I just have to trust in my caregivers and know that the end result will be a healthy baby girl.

In closing, I bring you an adorable photo of my niece Magnolia who came in from Seattle for our baby shower. She is 3.5 months old- and has a super unique and cute way of self soothing herself to sleep. Apparently there is even an ultrasound picture of her in utero doing this! Too cute.

Sweet Maggie, I just may have used this move when I got the c-section news.
We all need a little soothing sometimes.

Baby Shower Re-Cap

My baby shower was last Saturday, and it was a fabulous event filled with so much love and baby loot! And it proved to be a real 'shower,' given Austin got its first major downpour in a LONG time that day. 

My friends Lisa & Carey hosted along with my mom, and together they put together a beautiful afternoon with lots of delicious treats.

First things first- here is what I ended up wearing:

This is actually a maxi skirt that I pulled up & tied with a ribbon, then added the pearl necklace to! I ended up not wearing the cardigan during the actual shower, as it got warm quickly with a house full of guests.

Beautiful flower arrangements put together by Carey

BC was there for a brief photo op before the shower began

Lisa put together an adorable collection of BC's and my baby photos

 My mom and sister-in-law came in for the weekend to help celebrate

Cake Balls!

 One of the huge surprises- BC's sister Anna & her 3 month old daughter Magnolia came in from Seattle for the shower! It was amazing. I had gotten an inkling that one of Lance's 5 sisters might be surprising me, but I would NOT have put money on Anna who just had a baby! Such a treat.

 My adorable mom

Guests were asked to write down a message to the baby, as well as their guesses for her due date, height, & weight. 

Jeannine writing her message

 One of my dear friends & hosts, Carey

 My sweet sister-in-law Jeannine

 More awesome shower surprises! BC's mom happened to be in Houston this weekend taking care of our nephew Miles, and was able to come in to be with us to celebrate!

Our little girl was VERY spoiled with presents. Not sure what I was saying here...

 This was a handmade quilt that my friend Dianne made
 (who also happens to be our home's architect!)

Two of my lovely hostesses- Lisa and Carey. They made the afternoon so amazingly special.

I can't wait to go through and organize all the goodies that are waiting in the nursery. It feels like Christmas every time I go in there!

That's a whole 'lotta love for our little girl. We are blessed.